Friday, May 27, 2011

Karma, what did I do?!

I had one of those "Why me?" afternoon/evenings yesterday. You know the ones where you know that Karma must exist and then you seriously wonder "What the hell awful thing did I do to deserve this?" Well you know what? It must've been something really really heinous. I must've killed somebody in my sleep or something, because the garbage that was smacking me in the face yesterday was unbelievable.

If you're a reader of my blog, you might notice that for the past two Thursdays, I have been going to this lounge called Honey. Yesterday was supposed to be no different. I had found out Wednesday though that B would not be in town, so thinking that things might fall through, I started trying to make other plans. Since Mack stood me up on Wednesday, I naturally thought he might be available to hang out on Thursday. He was, but somehow we started fighting about money, yet-a-fucking-gain, because while I made suggestions as to what we could do for free in my neighborhood (i.e. walk in the park 2 blocks from my house, or sit on my porch and just hang out in the beautiful 75/80 degree weather)  he wanted to drink, but he didn't want to drink anything he was bringing, no, he wanted to drink what I had in the house? I have no problem sharing liquor. In fact, I prefer to share, than hoard, but don't invite yourself to my stock without 1. Me offering or 2. You offering to chip in. When I made a joke like "Oh, so you were just planning on drinking my liquor and not bringing your own? LOL" he did not laugh. He once again brought up my "apparent lack of understanding for his financial situation." Boy, please. We're all in a "financial situation", but if you can't support your damn self and manage your money, please don't come to me. I have been used far too many times for money that I'm weary of everyone now. I realized that I need people in my life that I can DO things with. I've had friendships and relationships fail because all I was doing was enabling people to live off of me and not contribute to the friendship. Enough was enough. I had really tried to make an effort to have a friendship with this guy, but it just can't happen.

We are no longer friends at all. I deleted him off my bbm (I know, big step) and although I haven't deleted him off of facebook yet (a little too drastic at the moment) I don't foresee us "making up".

So all this happened as I was on the bus going to the train to meet Chris at Blockheads and Honey. Unfortunately, all of the people Chris invited cancelled, then Chris herself cancelled, and B was back in Baltimore.. Naturally, I cancelled at this point and just went home (because I was already on the bus towards the train station when Chris made the final no-go decision).

I probably texted everyone in my phone at that point (and realized it's time for some phone book purging). This guy that I was kind of interested in responded to my text and we started making plans to hang out. I was sitting on my back porch making plans to meet him and his cousin at Honey when I got terrible news from B. She can't go on any of our international vacations this summer. My heart broke. Well there goes Jamaica, and Caribana really won't be the same without her.

I'm in a bad mood, and I'm sitting at home not wanting to go back to to the city. Mikey, the guy I used to be interested in, still wants to see me. I procrastinate for about an hour and a half and he convinces me to come to downtown Brooklyn so we can go to Applebee's. Well I'm hungry and I do kind of want to see him and it's only a "20 minute drive," so I suck it up and pull my act together and go. (20 minutes turns to 40 minutes when it takes you about 15 minutes to go 4 blocks)

So now I'm frustrated because of traffic, annoyed that I couldn't just stay in my bed, and sad about summer travel plans being fucked. I'm in an all around bad mood. I get there and Mikey gets in the car, notices my bad mood, but tries to "cheer me up" by basically telling me to "cheer the fuck up". Well he says he needs 10 minutes to change his clothes (why he couldn't do this within the past 40 minutes when I was driving to his house, I don't know...but it's irritating) He changes and we drive to Applebee's where we're going to meet his cousin and his brother.

We sit down and a few minutes later they come traipsing in. He's ordered 2 Long Islands by this point ($7.25 a piece - don't worry, the price is relevant later). He gives one to his cousin and forces his brother to get one. He also "forces" his brother to get a cheeseburger and fries. I'm still deciding what I want, but they're "flirting" with the waitress, and in all honesty, being a bit embarrassing, but I just keep quiet because I'm still in a shit mood (little did I know, it was going to get worse...much worse)

I finally order my food and his brother finishes his burger and they finish most of their drinks. Mind you, they were all rolling on something with plans to take more. Gotta fucking love pill poppers. I'm still irate at this point, so I'm trying to ignore the ignorant babble that is spewing from these high guys' mouths, while I watch the Bulls-Heat game. As I'm finishing my food, they decide to go have a cigarette. Now I think it's a little shady, but honestly I could use a little break from them and I'm a little relieved when his cousin leaves his sweatshirt - I take it as a sign of good faith. Sadly, 2 minutes later, his cousin comes back in to get his sweatshirt because the temperature has dropped. Bells and whistles are going off in my head like "This is bad, get the money from Mikey before they leave..." but I ignore the bells and whistles, just like I ignored the gut feeling that I shouldn't go out before I met up with him. I watch the game and I know that they're doing their pill thing, and their mom is around the corner and blah blah blah so I'm not completely convinced that they're gone yet.

I send a message to Mikey asking where he is. Mind you, it's been about 30-40 minutes that they've been gone. He calls back (or at the time I think it was him), and "he" says "My brother just got taken in by the police, they ran his name and turns out he had a warrant. I'm on my way back to you right now, I'll call you when I get outside." Wow. I'm sorry about your brother, but all I need you to do is come back and give me the money so I can leave (Mikey said that he wanted to pay for my meal - even though I said he didn't have to - HA)

Another 15 minutes pass. I send another text.

Then another 10 minutes. The game is about to end.


They went to "smoke a bone" at 10:15. The game ended at 11:15pm. I'm furious. I start calling his phone. It's just ringing out.

I give up. I need to get the hell out of there. I get the check.

I'm about to burst into tears as I charge $63.63 to my credit card. I leave the restaurant embarrassed, oh and pissed because the Bulls lost the fucking game in the last two minutes and I want to smack Derrick Rose around a little bit for all of that.

I sit in my car and burst out into tears. Like really crying, crying, crying. Wondering why does this shit happen to me? Why does it happen to me again and again? Why do I trust people and why do they always violate my trust? I just sit there and cry and get angry and have no way to blow my nose. I pull myself together enough to drive and I drive past his house, just to make sure they didn't just snub me and go back to the house.
I go home and I feel a little better every time my engine revs because I really want to break something. However, I don't do anything that stupid and I burst back into tears just as I'm about to turn onto my block. I do the whole palm slamming against the steering wheel and screaming thing and all I really want to do are donuts in my car in the middle of the street to make me feel better...but I don't. I go home and cry some more in the shower.

Angry, angry, angry tears of betrayal. My eyes are still a little puffy.

I wound down with some tv (my favorite show is back) and that made me feel a little better and then I decide to give it one more try, calling his phone. Actually, I plan on calling at ridiculous hours in the middle of the night for the next few days, just to piss him off...but "he" answers. Well I think it's him, but again it turns out that it's his brother saying that Mikey is still being processed and that he had to go back and get his ID and they're still at the precinct and he's sorry and he understands that I'm angry and he'll try to get me at least $30 as soon as he can and Mikey really likes me and blah blah blah. I basically tell him that whatever Mikey and I were doing is over now but I look forward to his $30.

Everything just seems like a lie.

I'm this close to taking a breather from trying to meet new guys. I know summer is the worst time to do that but I don't know if I can take this anymore.

I mean who does this stuff habitually happen to anymore other than me?


B said...

First of all I hate broke ass guys. Really what a jackass, what kind of loser can't afford to pay his own way at fucking Applebees? Keep calling and give him a peice of your mind.

Second I've been going through simalar things with EX friends in the past year and half. I think at our age its normal . Don't let people take advantage of you! Because they will take as much as they can from you.

I rather be a loner then to be hanging out with sketchy people! It will take time but eventually you can find better people to date/be friends with.

I'm not going to tell you things will get better or any of that shit, because sometimes we just need to stew and brood for a while. But I will say you have to start to put up boundaries and when people attempt to cross them don't be afriad to rip them a new ahole.

Don't be afraid to be a bitch. If you are going out for dinner or drinks make it clear that you aren't paying for anyone!When the bill comes pay only your portion, or better yet get our own tab!

One last thing let everyone know that you aren't a fucking bank so you won't be giving out loans!!!!

Not who I will be said...

That's the whole thing. He even argued with me about paying, because I said it wasn't necessary for him to pay for me - I guess he took that as it wasn't necessary for him to pay at all...He might be in jail and I've gotten no response yet.

I really need to stop being so trusting, but I really like being around people and although it seems like I can find anything to criticize in people, I generally see the good in them as well. For better or for worse.

Thank you for your comments though, they do give me motivation to get better at saying no!

I also have NO idea why my blog isn't letting me comment :(

B said...

I can't beilive the nerve of some people. What iss so great about him that he is entitled to a free dinner? As for the whole jail thing I hope its the truth and not an elborate lie orchestrated to justify why they couldn't pay.

I will say people have good and bad parts too them, but you should only keep good friends close to you and keep those people as acquaintances

Not who I will be said...

I actually kind of believe the jail thing, because he's that type of guy (should've been another bell and whistle way before I even went out there this time). It wouldn't be the first time someone has orchestrated a whole incredible lie in order to justify their actions with me.

He will definitely just be an acquaintance if I ever talk to him again.

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