Bullet point recap: worst vacation ever and stressful birthday surprises

Dearest followers, I know I have been delinquent lately, so I'm going to try and sum up the past two weeks of my life in bullet point format.

I just realized that I haven't updated since August 1st. Damn do I have a lot to get through.

Week of August 1:
I don't remember anything that happened up until Honey Thursday.


Thursday:

• You might remember that I led the owner of Honey on in a charade where he thought he would get into my pants in exchange for driving me home. Well folks, I must be awesome because he said he wasn't mad at me and thus, I win.
• I made out with the short bathroom attendant. The same one that squeezed my butt the week before.

 Friday

• B was supposed to be busy the first weekend in August because it was her on again/off again boo's birthday, but he went to Vegas.
• BiL decided two weeks prior that he was going to have this gigantic cookout where there would be tons and tons of basketball eye candy/meat and great food.
• Unfortunately, I had agreed to go to PA with Niokka a few weeks prior due to B not being in town and BiL taking his sweet as time in making arrangements for the cookout.
• I took Friday off to take a bus to Gettysburg, PA (5 hours) after stressing about packing all week and being yelled at by Niokka for stressing her out when she was studying for finals. Mind you, she was the only person I knew going and was telling me all sorts of random stuff about what I was supposed to do, last minute.



Please note how far Gettysburg is from NYC

• I dragged my ass to DeKalb Avenue to be at the bus before 9:30am, I was there at 9am where I met Niokka's friend Jazmeen.

• I was constantly debating not getting on the bus (and I probably shouldn't have) because of the cookout and because Gettysburg was so far away, but after a lot of debating, we finally located the bus (incredibly late) and were on our way to the Bronx the pick up the other group of people.
• There were a lot of other people waiting for buses, some attractive, some "not so"...most of the "not so"'s got on our bus. This was a bad sign. Also, there was a lot of drinking planned for the bus ride. Mind you, it was well before noon.
• Not in such a great mood, I tried to suck it up and rest. We got to the BX and Niokka and Joanne got on the bus. The rest of the ride was filled with drinking a lot of random mixed drinks and Jello shots. It took forever to get to the hotel.



Yummy jello shots.

• We got to the hotel and pretty much everything was canceled. There was supposed to be a BBQ (what we would be having for dinner) but the organizer didn't check if they could use an indoor grill (which they could not) so that was canceled. There was supposed to be Karaoke, but the machine was broken. There was supposed to be a "male revue", but the one stripper never showed up. The DJ that was supposed to be playing music at all of the parties, bailed last minute. Basically it was bad news all around.
• I cursed out the organizer, as did a bunch of other people. Mind you, he wasn't even supposed to be the go-to person, his wife was, but supposedly she sprained her ankle the night before.
• I was pissed, everyone was wandering around aimlessly and it was just a mess. I kept kicking myself for getting on the damn bus. I could've stayed home and not taken off a day for all of that...it gets worse.
• The one highlight was that I was with Joanne and some guy (Anthony) started talking to her and the guy was with his cousin (Senio), who I started chatting with. We ended up hooking up a few times, I'll see him again in a few weeks (and I'll tell you why the delay - note, the knee).
• Anyway, Senio and I hooked up that night, I went back to my room, showered, met back up with my friends and partied a bit. Hung out by the pool, had another guy hit on me who worked at the hotel, but he got me confused with someone else, so I walked away from him. 
• Senio texted me to come back to his room to sleep, so I went back and his cousin was trying to sleep. So I basically held off his advances, but his cousin "left" and well...we got it on again. Magically, as soon as we were done, Anthony re-appeared. Now mind you, this would be a little awkward to begin with, but it gets more awkward. Senio goes to lay down and kind of passed out. I'm sitting on the foot of the bed, between his legs and Anthony and I start talking. He mentions that he saw what I did. Awkward moment number 2. Then he asks if I've ever had a threesome. Now why would I lie? So I tell him yes. He asks if I would have one with him and Senio. WTF?! Awkward 3. I say "no, not interested". He says "so would you have a threesome...without him?" and I say "so basically you're asking if I would fuck you? no." At this point, Senio wakes up and is all "what's this talk about a threesome?" and I said "your cousin just asked if I would fuck him." and Senio does the cutest thing he goes "really man?" and sits up, wraps his arms around me and pulls me down next to him to cuddle. Then we go to bed.



A creeper!

Saturday:

• My "friends" get me from Senio's room for breakfast. We go eat and then hear that all of the stuff they talked about being available to do during the day was all for winter trips and there would be no laser tag, shopping, anything...so we make our own fun.
• They play strip blackjack and then dare or double dare. Details will not be disclosed.
• We all get ready to go to crabfest in Maryland an hour and a half away.
• We need more alcohol.
• We get to crabfest and eat a lot. I don't start drinking until later in the evening, and this is the beginning of the end.



This picture was not taken by me, but you get the point.

• Niokka basically treats me like a dog and gets pissed when I won't get her more shrimp. She yells at me and I'm fed up. I slowly start to get over it.
• Joanne and I go buy bottles of alcohol from a lovely old lady who owns the bar next door to the place we're at.
• As soon as we get back I get on line for free drinks. I get two for myself, since they're my first and then I'm told they don't have any more of the punch the other girls are drinking so Niokka says to get them shots, so I get shots for everyone, or as many as they'll let me. I can't carry them all, so Niokka takes my drinks to the table. I guess she thought they were her drinks because she adds one to her cup and Jazmeen's cup, and I don't know what she does with my other one so I get back and I'm asking where my drinks are. Of course she gets mad at me because she thinks I'm being selfish...yadda yadda. She gets pissed and so do I. So I sit with my drinks and she walks away.
• I have an allergic reaction to something so my skin is all red and blotchy and hot and I look angry. Senio thinks I'm mad at him, but I confirm this is not the case.



Similar to when I was in Philly, I don't know if you can see the redness of my face and chest

• There is a concert of some sort, but I'm too furious to really care. I take the shots back to the hotel with me.
• We head back to the hotel and I almost get into it with the organizer again because he's trying to treat me like a child because everyone is being babies and arguing about who is supposed to sit where (not me, mind you...but I do have a problem with this guy AND HE'S SO UGLY).
• When we get back everyone naps and showers and gets ready for the "white party". I go meet up with Senio and take care of business, and of course, as I turn the corner to go into the bathroom, Anthony magically appears. It's a little creepy actually.
• I drink the mixed drink that I made at crabfest, very quickly. We get into bathing suits and we go dance in the hottub.

Sunday:

• The next part is a touch fuzzy. I know I disappeared with some guy and he took me back to his room. I think I was being kind of a playful asshole and he got fed up with me, so we went back to the pool...
• As soon as I got back to the pool, I slipped. I slipped on the wet pool deck and guess what. My whole entire knee opened up again. I WAS FURIOUS. What should've been a little bump on the knee with a bruise for anyone, was a completely down to the bone open wound for me. I didn't want help though. I didn't want to go to the hospital. I didn't want the gurney. I didn't want it to be a big deal. I did this back in December, I knew what was going on but no one else seemed to. They wrapped my knee up with towels. I kept telling everyone to stop helping me, stop trying to move me, just stop. The EMT comes and I tell him I just need stitches and I don't want to go to the hospital. They tell me I need to. I keep telling everyone to stop. Niokka goes "Fuck her then" and I must've responded with "Fuck you too". There was more yelling and one of the EMTs tells me that if I don't shut up, in the state of PA they can charge me for something or other. I stop talking and give up at this point. I'm not even crying, I'm just mad. They take me out on a gurney. They shut down the pool party. I tell the girls I'm with that I don't need any of them to come to the hospital with me. I guess I don't clarify by saying that it's because I don't want to ruin their night, that was a mistake. Niokka continues to yell at me. Jazmeen and Joanne try to help me, and I just ask them to pack my stuff because we're leaving in the morning.



Swollen with new stitches...

• I get to the hospital. I convince them I only need basic xrays because there's no bone damage. They tell me it's a bad laceration. I get 18 stitches. I find out that I actually got there at 6:30am. At 9:30ish, the hotel people come to pick me up and say that they called the cops on my friends. I don't know why. All I know is that I've got a set of HATEFUL BBM messages in my phone from Niokka wishing all of this terrible shit on me because of nothing I could control.I get back to the hotel, finish packing my stuff in silence. I literally talk to no one because Niokka purposely tries to make me feel like shit by talking loudly on the phone in the room next door (adjoined rooms with the connecting door open) about how she wishes me dead and all of this stuff. I still have no clue why or what happened but we will never speak again, that's for sure.
• We get onto the bus. I'm missing part of my kindle charger, my outfit from the night before (I went to the ER in a bathing suit) and my flip flops. I don't talk to anyone except when they ask if I'm ok.
• I pop a percocet and we head to the casino an hour or so later.
• My dad picks me up, thus concluding the trip from hell.

The BBMs: 

Niokka got B involved because she's the one that introduced us. We were both talking about it for two days. I am finally over it. It created a little tension with B and I though because I was upset that she was still buddy buddy with Niokka after knowing that Niokka wished me dead and was serious as cancer about it. On Thursday, we had a big conversation about our friendship and the whole situation...

Monday and Tuesday I took off of work. Tuesday night I went to Buffalo Wild Wings with B.

Wednesday I went to the movies to see the Help with the Mexican and his friend Rodderick, who lives a block away from me. He's cute and nice. It was fun. We went to a diner afterward and I definitely walked around too much. My doctor told me to stop bending my knee....I'm not doing a good job.

Thursday

• Against better judgment, I went to Honey
• B and Feather were there, or came later.
• I drank a lot even though I'm on antibiotics (I looked them up, no instruction not to)
• There was a lot of drama outside but somehow we were inside for a while
• I officially am a  hookah smoker. It's bad. Had the worst flavor, bubblegum mint. I'm going to have to talk to Manny about never getting that again.



Sad but true about me and hookah :(

• I made out with the other bathroom attendant...in the locked bathroom. It could've gone further, but thank god it didn't. I guess I just have a thing for the boys downstairs.
• B's birthday was on Sunday so we started celebrating that night.
• I spent $200 again. I don't know how, but the bill said something like 28 happy hour drinks between the 4 of us.
• We were going to go to this place called the Polar Bear at around 10pm with the waitress because Feather's friend was having an open bar, but we didn't end up going and ended up back in Honey. Just can't get away! I swear!
• I don't remember carrying around my bag, but I must've been. Weird.

Friday:

• I took off from work again because I needed to go get drinks for B's bbq and I didn't feel like going.
• I went to the drink depot and at the request of T, I got way more than I needed to. I spent $369 on just beverages for the cookout.
• Then I slept.

Saturday

• I woke up and wanted to be lazy, but I wasn't.
• I got myself together and drove to Bushwick to pick up Delka and the cake.
• The cake was late. We were still in Brooklyn around 3ish.
• I drove to the park. We couldn't figure out how to drive up to the cookout, because we couldn't!
• T and Delka had to go back and forth about 6 times bringing the drinks in shopping carts across this stupid long bridge over to the cookout.

• 

  B and the delayed cake

• I told T to leave some of the drinks in my car, but she still took most of them so at the end of the night we had to bring them back when it was drizzling
• I was BBMing with B and was selling her on the fact that she was still going to a beach party. When she arrived, she was really excited and she cried. So surprised. Sadly, Niokka brought her, which was a little awkward for me at first, but I decided just to ignore it.
• I couldn't drink anything but beer because I was driving and the beer was doing nothing for me. 
• It was a good time anyway, and B had a good time, that's all that matters.
• Oh, and some guy stole my entire case of Heineken.
• We went back to B's house after the cookout and I napped.
• It was raining, but we still left the house at around 1:30am.
• The 6 train went express and skipped our stop, so we tried to get out at Brooklyn Bridge to hail a cab...in the pouring rain.



Rain on the train

• No cabs stopped, I was soaked.
• We got onto a local 6 going uptown and got locked in and missed the 4 train.
• We arrived at the loft party at around 3am, partied for an hour and then went back home.
• I wish I could've danced more, but I've been really mistreating my knee.

Sunday:

• B's mom made us breakfast and we chit chatted.
• I left around 2pm and went back to Brooklyn
• This new guy (Terron) I'm talking to came over on Sunday night and we cuddled and watched the Hangover and he's totally into me and a super sweetheart.
• I may or may not have a tiny hickey on my neck.
• I kind of blew off Steel Pans...oh well

Monday:

• Going to see the Glee movie with the Mexican tonight and then maybe more snuggle time. I love having my back rubbed. Winner!
• I'm probably going to Jamaica for the new year and this makes me really excited.

Stumbling leads to bitter generosity

So do you guys remember when I talked about Mack here, here and here? I might've told you that although I was kind of interested in Mack, that I stepped aside when Chris expressed interest...well I did that again.

I might've just hand picked/delivered the man of my dreams, to VWR. FML?

We stumbled last night. I stumbled hard. Like, bad. Like, I haven't felt this shitty in the belly since three weeks ago. And I know you're probably thinking "Oh, if hangovers are typical occurrences, then this one shouldn't be so bad." Well, you would be HALF right. My head does not hurt, but I have felt like there was a miniature lawn gnome in my stomach, trying to punch its way out since I woke up (at 8am, by the way. Even though I was supposed to be at the gym by 7:30...no biggie.)

I actually was scheduled to have my annual work review today at 10am, and I had to call in sick (late) because I was behaving like a retarded child this morning and could NOT pull my act together.

Mind you, it's Thursday. I'm going to Honey tonight, and although right now, I can't even imagine what my body will do if I try to drink alcohol...I will find out.

Anyway, back to the recap of my life since I last posted.

On Tuesday, I decided that I wanted to be somewhat social and this Meetup called Random Events, was having a free stand up comedy show. I love stand up comedy, so naturally I decided this was a good time to meet new people and laugh my ass off.

The Mexican and I took the train down to the East Village and parted ways. I had about an hour and a half to kill so I got myself a nice Taro bubble tea and finished my book. (Matched by Ally Condie if you were wondering). I wasn't feeling so social any more though, and I was tempted just to go home and watch my overflowing DVR (which I will do tomorrow because I'm taking the day off to take care of my mama). However, it was about to rain and I was already there and had been in the West Village for almost 2 hours and so I decided to go in. Everyone was crazy nice, and I immediately got myself a hard cider (because it's awkward if you're not drinking at a bar when you first meet people). I was being a social butterfly, talk talk talking away about this that and the other thing. This girl tried to hijack my conversation with this Kazakhstan (I literally just said aloud "did I really just spell that right on the first try") guy. She had a very firm handshake and kind of scared me. I held my ground though, and told the story of my badassness (Polar Bear Plunge 2009). She was awed. Yeah, bitch, relax!

He was actually the MC

We saw 5 stand up comedians and they were awesome. There was this weird lady in the audience slightly behind me that I wanted to punch in the face once or thrice because she was talking loudly to her friend and one time she yelled out something like "You don't believe in Jesus" and everyone was really confused. The MC even said "Ok, so we're going to ignore that right there..." No one understood. Pretty sure she was a religious zealot, and they all deserve a swift punch in the nose. I kind of rushed out when it was over because it was late and I wanted to get home. I didn't even stay for the picture or to exchange info with any of the people I met. Oh well, there will be another time.

Side note: My headphone jack just got messed up in my computer and so I'm hearing this OBNOXIOUS noise while I'm trying to listen to music. It's making me cry inside.

Wednesday is where things for the week really start to get interesting.

When we got to the Stumble Inn, I decided that I was going to get buzzed at least, because I had so much fun the Friday night before. So I start drinking. I rapidly take down about two hard ciders. I decide not to eat the nachos the Mexican got. Probably not really the BEST choice, but it was made. So eventually the group grows to include VWR, and about 5 other people, including our friend Tiffany. We're hanging out at the bar and I'm drinking more than I should...then this guy walks in.

He's 6'7" (found out later) and has beautiful ebony skin. Tiffany tells me I will not go talk to him, and since he is standing alone and I'm buzzed, I do. I walk over to him, ask him if he's alone or waiting for someone (he is waiting for his friend). I invite him to join our group of people. We chat, and flirt. Lots of arm touching. He's an impressive Investment Banker with a slight British accent. His friend gets there who is just as gorgeous. I want to introduce the friend to VWR, so I call her over and introduce everyone. My neck is KILLING me from looking up at the Ebony Banker. He and VWR start talking about basketball and I start talking to his friend and find out he has a girlfriend (bummer!) but he wants to play beer pong (winner!) I tell him IMMEDIATELY, that we're all going to play. He's game. I go reserve "next" on both tables. These softball guys get mad at me when they figure this out, but whatever. VWR and Ebony Banker are still being chatty chatty. I'm in my own world and pretty buzzed. I'm making buddies with everyone, and I'm carrying my pitcher around.


Fast forward, we lose three games of beer pong. I drink most of the cups. I start drinking from cups that aren't really even mine to drink, but downing them like water. At around 1:30am, VWR and I decide to leave. I'm shithoused. I leave my gym bag at the bar so we have to come back as soon as we get to the train station. VWR asks my permission to talk to Ebony Banker (they exchanged numbers and wanted to know if that was ok with me). Obviously, I say ok because I'm too generous...ALWAYS.

I was bitter for at least two days about this, because everything about this guy was fucking awesome and I totally passed him off. Now I'm not as bitter because VWR and him REALLY hit it off and they are an INCREDIBLY cute couple and probably a better fit than he and I could be. She's so excited it's cute, and it sounds like he likes her too. So I'm going to let it go. I'm also going to stop giving people away!

I had A LOT of fun though. I'm awesome when I drink and every one agrees.

On my way home, I had to transfer to the Q at Union Square. It was running on the local track so for some stupid reason, at Dekalb Avenue, I got off the train because I momentarily convinced myself it was the N and not the Q. By the time my drunk ass realized my mistake, the train had closed its doors. I was stuck at Dekalb for another half hour. I cried because it was one of the dumbest things I have ever done and I just wanted to be home in my bed. It was AWFUL.

You'll have to tune in next time for my Thursday Honey story. I promise it's a good one with lots of being felt up, and very little moral code.