How do you know when to end things?

I know I still have to write about my trip to Chicago, but that will come in due time.

In the meantime, I've just been thinking lately. This past weekend was gloriously relaxing, but it also made me slightly uneasy.

Ignoring the amounts of Halloween candy that I consumed because my emotions and hormones were all askew, I felt a little sick. Friday I was lazy, and thankful the Compas' coworkers kept him late at the bar so we couldn't hang out. It was really nice to catch up on rest. I probably should've gone to pick up JBike because he hasn't been doing so stupendously lately, and it would've been a nice gesture...but I'm losing the ability to choose friends over convenience. Oh well. I'm working on it. I just know that once the snow starts to fall, my ass will not be getting behind the wheel of a car, so that's going to change the dynamic of a lot of my friendships.

Saturday, I continued my rest until it was time to go to New Jersey with the Mexican and his friend Kennedy. We drove out to westbumblefuck, NJ and on the way paid a million dollars in tolls to go through Staten Island and stopped at a convenience store to get the Mexican's boy some congratulatory gifts and snacks. Lots and lots of snacks. My car is now stocked for a nuclear holocaust. So, if you need a ride into the apocalypse, at least we will get there fat and happy!

The show was called Urinetown. You can google it. It was odd, but enjoyable and the car rides were not too bad. Always a good time with the Mexican.

Sunday, I was going to bake cookies for Mo. Having not seen Compas in a few weeks (since the apple picking extravaganza), I invited him over to bake cookies. He came over around 4:30pm and we hung around until my mom was done with the kitchen, leaving everything there for me to clean up. She's kind of an ass like that.

Anyway, we baked cookies. I tried to give him things to do, but honestly...cookies are really damn easy to make and I probably could've taken care of it by myself. He did do a lot of dishes though, so that was sweet. He also did the hug from behind while I stirred the batter thing. It was really quite nice, but...

Yup, a big resounding BUT...

The more time I spend with him, the less I find myself really attracted to him. He's doing nothing wrong. He's a great guy with an honorable job. He's sweet, but I don't know. I'm just not really all that physically attracted to him (and the Mexican pointed this out the first time he saw us together). Also, his skin bothers me. For whatever reason his face gets really oily, which makes me feel gross if our faces touch because I'm worried about his grease clogging MY pores! And if I'm wearing my glasses when we kiss, it somehow gets on my goddamn glasses and I hate that. His hair is also kind of greasy, which I guess it better than being dry, but I don't like to touch it.

Furthermore, I don't like his kissing. When I'm drunk, we are kissing compatible....from what I remember. Sitting down cuddling on the couch...nope! He's a 98%-er. You know, those people that go in 98% for the kiss giving you very little room to reciprocate the kissing action. I felt like I was always pulling my face away. I like to feel like I'm "chasing the kiss" sort of. Like I actually have to participate and I can't just sit there and pucker my lips. I feel like this is my major problem with most guys kissing. I just didn't want to kiss him! This is a problem. Also, the one time there was tongue involved it was INCREDIBLY awkward.

He is going TOO far

We're supposed to see each other again soon...but does it make sense to keep this going? I need advice! Do I end it now, or...I don't know.

Look, the guy tried to get to second base or at least an over the shirt feel and he tried to tweak a fold in my shirt as opposed to my nipple. Had to put an IMMEDIATE kibosh on that sitch.

Oy vey.

My wings are getting tired

Social butterfly wings that is.


After Thursday, I wasn't planning on going out on Friday. I feel like weekends have become my rest days. It's sad, and I feel like a grandma, but I really enjoy sleep.

Anyway, this guy who I went out with once...let's call him Gym Teacher, invited me out Friday night. Sure, I might've mentioned I could possibly make Friday work, but I wasn't expecting him to. However, I agreed.

We went to this place called Tonic in Midtown East/Murray Hill...whatever. I was drinking on the train. Leftovers from Honey, so that was good. I got there and I wasn't really feeling anything (the Long Island had become watered down). He bought me drinks though, and I drank...a lot. Well, maybe not a lot. I did get a little irritated at this guy who was basically leaning on my back. The Gym Teacher (GT) thought it was pretty funny because I was getting a little huffy, so he pulled me away from the bar where we were standing to calm me down.

A few funny things happened. One, we watched this white girl and black guy dance and it was HILARIOUS. She had less rhythm than me. Honestly, I'm pretty good at "dubbing". Yeah, that's right, I can grind like...a mortar and pestle? Anyway, this girl was so off beat it was pretty hilarious. Secondly, the men's bathroom didn't have a lock on it, but it was just a single person bathroom, so while GT was peeing, two other guys walked into the bathroom. They were so quick! I didn't have time to stop them...so I just laughed.

Pretty much we danced until 4am, made out a lot and then he drove me home. I'm always impressed with my ability to give directions when drunk...because I was DEFINITELY drunk.

Saturday, I was supposed to go out for Heels' birthday. I actually got in the shower to get ready. B was going to come too, but she wasn't feeling well. Then, whilst showering, I discovered I had hives. Well, that's what my mom said they were. I've never had an allergic reaction to anything before...well not really, and I hadn't had anything new recently, so I had no idea what was going on. Also, it was completely isolated to my breasts (under my bra area- which could've explained it...if I had been wearing one at all that day) and a few little dots on my belly. Said hives, plus my train being a complete douchebag this weekend again, combined with having to wake up at 8:30am, kept me home.

Great sleep. Hivey boobs. What a Saturday.

Sunday I woke up early to go meet my cousin in the city. I haven't seen her since last Thanksgiving and I was excited to talk to her. Honestly, every time I hang out with my mom's side of the family, it makes me realize that maybe my family isn't a complete disaster (then I check facebook and read all about my dad's side and the reminder wavers a little). We had a great brunch and I dropped her off at the subway. Hopefully we'll keep in touch more. I think we're both at points in our lives where our relationship could be great!

Afterward, I went to go pick up the guy I had gone to Indian food and La Caverna with last weekend. Let's give him a name...Compas, because that's what he likes to listen to the best. I picked him up and we went to go to IHOP so he could get something to eat, because the Mexican and his boy were supposed to be coming 30 minutes later. I finally found parking, we walked over to IHOP and it was packed. Then I got a message from the Mexican and they arrived early. We went back to the car, scooped them up and headed up to Hopewell Junction, NY - to Fishkill Farms. We wanted to go physically apple picking, but it's late in the season, so instead we got apple cider donuts and hot apple cider at an orchard. We sat on the back porch, overlooking the pretty scenery and ate and drank our treats.

The Mexican with his hot apple cider

I shopped. I got pumpkins and apples and produce and honey vinegar and it was just glorious.

We went to Cracker Barrel afterward, which was pretty much the reason the Mexican wanted to go apple picking in the first place...because there are none of them in NYC. (By the way, both Compas and I are geniuses according to the peg game.)

Peg game - I'm a genius

The car rides were not bad. I mean, other than being an hour and change each way. We all chatted on the way up there and sang along to some music. The Mexican and his boy napped on the way back and Compas and I held hands and chatted on the way back. It was actually really sweet. He was great the whole day. He was just the right level of affectionate, hugging me sometimes and kissing the top of my head/cheek.

I came home and roasted my acorn squash, toasted the pepitas, and cooked collard greens that I bought at Fishkill and watched TV until I passed out.

Toasted pepitas!

I'm a really lucky girl.

Except of course for the fact that I haven't heard from Steel Pans in over a week. Money ruins everything.