Monday, May 2, 2011

Laziness causes cardinal dating sins to occur

If there was one overarching theme to my life, it would probably be laziness.

It came to my attention this weekend that laziness has truly invaded every aspect of my life. It's like an infection that just keeps spreading and there really are no antibiotics for this one folks. So here's what I realized. My laziness has caused me to repeated commit one of the top cardinal dating sins.

That's right, there are "unwritten" rules to dating - we all know them in the back of our minds, but I like to violate them time and time again. I like to violate a lot of them, but this post is primarily to address one in particular: the at-home "first" date.

It should be well known that unless you plan on getting physical with someone, you probably shouldn't have a whole "date" in their house or yours. Here's where my laziness kicks in - sometimes I just want people to come to me. I just want to put out my arms, wiggle my fingers and poof! have company. I like to lay around and snuggle, so sue me - I hated it when I was younger and now I just like feeling someone next to me. However, after many attempts, I have come to the realization that this is not a good way to start a "relationship" with someone - immediately getting into bed with them.

Whether or not my intentions are pure, it's basically like saying:
And let me tell you, this is not necessarily what I want. Sure I don't mind you rubbing/scratching my back like a baby. I don't mind our legs being entangled in each other, but why must you always attempt to put your hands down my pants?

I have also discovered, that the type of men who want to come over and "chill" on the first "date" are not the ones I should be spending time with. I want to be wined and dined. I want to be taken somewhere new and create memories with someone that I can go home and gush to my friends over or completely rant about later, but I just want SOMETHING. I can watch TV by myself, and quite contently. I mean, yeah it may be nice to kill two birds with one stone in that I'm clearing out my DVR while I'm "being social", but that's not what's really going on. If it were really a date, you would be keeping me thoroughly entertained with your words and I wouldn't need to watch TV, I would be captivated by you.

In fact, I think "home dates" are impersonal. By just kind of hanging out, you're really free to do and think about whatever - it's like hanging out with a buddy, there's nothing special - no spark and it ultimately leads to a boring relationship and a lot of resentment (at least from my end).

Here's where the problem comes in - my laziness and lack of decision making skills start to take over. For example, here is how my Saturday night home date went:

I came home from a Friday night/Saturday day date with some guy we'll call Honey Contacts (this was the second date and he made dinner, but it was essentially what I will be trying to avoid in the future because while all we did was lay around - I left his house exhausted at 6pm on Saturday)

I was supposed to go see Fast Five with this guy that I've been kind of talking to for a few weeks. Mind you, I'm really not attracted to this boy - he's incredibly skinny with a very Egyptian face (which I don't dislike, but I oddly prefer broader faces) and he's just so frail I think I might break him with too hard of a hug. Oh and he's my height, which is frustrating. Anyway, we were supposed to go see this movie, but he was coming from work and a haircut - and for those of you who don't deal with black men (or women) and don't understand how long a trip to the barbershop can take, I will give you a summary: IT TAKES FOREVER. It must take 3-4 hours for what I could probably accomplish in under 10 minutes with all of my head shaving skills.

So he's taking forever getting from Harlem where he's getting his hair cut, to East New York (NOTE HOW FAR HE MUST TRAVEL), where he needs to change and shower. I am still at Honey Contacts' trying to stall because he lives in Queens and I have to drive past Egyptian Face's house to get home and I would pick up him on the way. Well lo and behold, he takes FOREVER, and I end up going home because I have been with Honey Contacts for almost 24 hours and I think it's about time that "home date" ends.

I get home without picking up Egyptian Face and speak to my best friend, B. B informs me that her cousin's party for the evening has been changed and now she needs more people to come over. So now I'm considering going to the Bronx. I mean it would be easier to go on Saturday night and then just stay because the plan is to go to Sunday dinner for her brother's birthday. This is all spinning in my mind and seeing as how this other guy the Chef, has decided to take a nap (I find out later) rather than come over and cook for me (HOW DARE HE). I am now left at home waiting and doing laundry. Having already showered at Honey Contacts' I am ready for whatever.

I'm talking back and forth with Egyptian Face and he's making some suggestions about where we should go to this movie, all the while complaining that it's sold out everywhere and that his cousin didn't get the 9pm showtime tickets in Times Square like he told him to and blah blah blah...Here's where my poor decision making skills come into play, I think to myself "I should just have him come here for a few hours and then he can go home and I can drive to the Bronx - therefore I'm already at my car and don't have to go to the city and back. BRILLIANT!"

This is not brilliant.

I should be in the Bronx by 9, but I agree to have Egyptian Face to come over, and although he doesn't realize how far I live, I do and I should really factor time in a bit better - but since I've been kind of blowing him off lately I still agree. He decides to take a cab, costing him almost $30, which I always feel a bit bad about because I really could've picked him up - but I'm not a chaffeur! We hang out for a little while and then I decide to watch all sorts of girly things (i.e. Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice and The Ellen Show) and he decides he's tired so we snuggle a little while I watch tv and...out like a light. He goes to sleep. Now I can wake him up at this point and say "you can do this at home" because really, what is the point of having him there except to have a body next to me? But I don't. I decide I am too comfortable even with him drooling a little bit on my shoulder, tired and not completely not interested in driving anymore to go to the Bronx to drink (which my tired body doesn't seem to thrilled about in the first place) and so I let him sleep. And then I sleep.

We probably spent about 45 minutes talking to each other - if that. This is what my dates are like. Not that I want anything with Egyptian Face, but this is just an example of how home dates don't work.

Home dates are booty calls, with or without the booty.

At least with Honey Contacts we went out and had dinner and a movie on date one. Also, I'm trying not to be as easy as I have been in the past. All in all, this weekend was a success without being a total success. The success rate would drastically improve with the elimination of these home dates - but they're what I know how to do.
My goal for the near future is to make guys take me out more. No more can you just come over and get comfy, we can get to know each other better when we can focus on each other and not the bed or couch. If you're not creative enough to think of something for us to do outside of the house - I don't need anymore boring in my life, please go to someone else's home.

I'm going to have to figure out a way to balance my love of cuddling with my need for social stimulation. It's time to broaden my personal horizons and start talking to people who have something to offer me, because I have something to offer! Even if I can get a  little lazy...

Inspire me.


Drea said...

I love this post.
A lot.

Just had to let you know.

Not who I will be said...

Much appreciated!

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