Being let go and not being able to let go.

I've never been fired from a job before. I've never been asked to leave, or been given notice. Let me knock on wood for a second....My coworker, whom I've grown fond of over the past year, is being let go. Her boss got promoted, and now, as a Dean, she's being provided a new assistant through the Dean's office. You know what I say to that? GODDAMMIT.

I hear they're hiring a temp in a few weeks to cover for her. That really blows, because now I'll be doing my job, and someone else's...again, and the time it takes to train a temp, if they aren't going to be staying, is time wasted. I'm just irritated, because my coworker's boss is really hard to work with and she's really patronizing, and not a lot of people can handle that. Also, there's a chemistry in the office that just works, and they're planning on hiring some "senior administrator", which probably means OLD. I don't want to work in the office with an old lady, honestly.

Sorry, that's mean and ageist, but we're trying to be really tech savvy in this office, and if I'm the only one who knows how to work the goddamn equipment, my workload quadruples.

Also, I just feel bad for my coworker, because she put an offer on a condo and in 3 weeks, she may not have a job. It's just a shitty situation all around.

Speaking of shitty situations. I spent almost 3 hours total on the phone with Expedia's custom service yesterday, to change my flights for my trip to Atlanta and Florida. To begin with, it sucked that I had to change the flights at all, but my job was being really anal about shit that I thought I had approval for, but apparently I did not. So I am now going to Atlanta on Tuesday, April 24th around noon, spending two nights at the Marriott - Wednesday and Thursday at the conference. Thursday night with H, and then Friday I will be flying to Florida to see the fam and flying out Monday, BRIGHT AND EARLY (another shitty situation) and trying to make it to work around noon. It's going to be a busy day.

Can anyone really explain to me the difference between an Economy car and a Compact car though? For three dollars more, I can rent a compact car. For three dollars more than that I can rent a midsize. I HATE 2 door cars, like really really, so I refuse to get one and want to know if that's what Economy means. I'm so bad with cars, but I'm pretty excited that now I'm 25, I don't have to pay an extra fee a day to rent a car. I also now have far too many credit cards than I should have, but I'm good about keeping on top of them, so I guess I'm building up credit.

The cards sure are taking a beating though. I decided yesterday, that instead of going to the gym like my surgeon said I should probably start doing again (and he's right, because I spent $75 on the gym this month and honestly, I don't plan on going this week...so bye bye $75), I decided to shop.

I got about $350 worth of clothing for $200. I have a problem making decisions, so I got a few things in multiple colors. In fact, I think I got three different things in two colors a piece. I don't even know if I really look good in that orange-y coral color that's so in season, but we shall see. What I do need to do though, is do some more ab stuff, because this belly! No bueno.

On Friday I went on a friend date. We ate at Bubba Gump's (because I really really wanted seafood) and saw Hunger Games (like everyone and their mom). I almost killed the guy though, because he was late. I had just spent a cool hour and a half in Bed Bath and Beyond, buying shit that was so beyond what I needed, that I was really upset when I was waiting 45 minutes with my big bag, in Times Square, outside of the movie theater.

Times Square is like the black hole of the Universe. Time, happiness and money all get sucked into it, never to return. I wanted to rip my hair out, but instead I sent an angry text and contemplated leaving his ass. He's a good guy though, and my work lunch buddy, so I held it together and we had a nice dinner/movie.

Saturday I was supposed to go out with Little D, but there was some confusion over the tickets to the party and yadda yadda, we didn't go. I was ok with this because Delta was supposed to come over (oh yeah, did I tell you, he's baaaaaaack). That, however, fell apart. I think I might've jumped down his throat a little early, but honestly, the whole situation was a bit to reminiscent of the rest of our "relationship" and I am NOT down to repeat that.

Let me backtrack. Delta messaged me LAST Sunday, the 18th because for whatever reason he remembered my number for the past year. He wanted to see me. I wasn't doing anything. I made no plans with him. Told him if he came by, he came by. The end.

He came by.

We sat on my porch for a while listening to music and "talking". I tried not to feel awkward. I looked like garbage and didn't care. He's just lucky I wasn't still wearing the sweats I had been wearing for almost 48 hours at that point. He showed his true Jamaican side (yep, I said it. He's a Yardi) He danced to my music, I chuckled, and continued to try not to feel awkward. We hugged for a while. It was uncomfortable. Not because it was with him, but because he's so tall and lanky and my head was in an awkward position and it just wasn't comfortable.

Anyway, this past Saturday he asked to spend the night. I'm an idiot so I agreed. I told him he should make me dinner.

He asked what I wanted (an hour later) and I responded (something delicious)...That was at 4:35pm. 

At 5:48pm I said "So if I eat dinner before you get back to me, you should probably forget tonight." 

At 6:46pm I get the response "Ok cool." To which I response "Ok cool what? I'm about go to eat."

"U said for get to night."

"You obviously can't read well. But year, just forget it all. Nothing's changed Delta, and I said I wouldn't do this again."

"U said befor u eat."

"I said IF. IF you didn't get back to me before I ate, THEN forget tonight. Jesus..."

"Relax u said for get it I'm still comin by" ----WHAT?! How does this make sense. "For get wat cookin" "Our comin by"

At which point I flipped out "Forget it all Delta"...blah blah blah I went on to say forget second and third chances and tell him not to try and contact me again. This was at 7:40pm.

At THREE FORTY SEVEN AM, he said he was on his way from Long Island when I said not to come, and he was coming all the way from far out in LI. I said it was too late. He said it wasn't. Told me he had gotten to Brooklyn at 8:15.

We are NOT going to work out. I'm already frustrated. Maybe I'm being a girl about this, but the reason I had to cut him out of my life the first time was due to his lack of respect for my time...and nothing has changed. We're still "talking" because I realized I MAY have overreacted a touch, but I can see where this is going and it's nowhere good.

8 days until Jamaica. I need it.

On a scale of 1 to "I hate my life", currently hovering at the latter.

I am, at this very moment, miserable.

The weather is grim and my body hates me for 20,000 different reasons. The fact that I had a free half hour back massage this morning means nothing to my body because it doesn't make up for how I've betrayed it in the past 15 hours.

It all started some time yesterday...

Nyeg and I planned to go to Honey. Typical Thursday. We didn't go last week, so obviously we were going to make up for it by going yesterday. Obviously.

I'd like you to know, and I'm sure you don't actually want to know this, but I am using 70% of my will power and strength not to vomit up the bagel I just forced myself to eat - so if this entry gets a bit disjointed, the minority 30% won.

Anyway, after avoiding my desk like the plague yesterday, I was able to escape at around 5:15pm. By "avoid my desk like the plague" I mean I literally refused to sit at my desk for 5 out of the 8 hours that are typically in a work day. I took two lunches. Although the first one with the Mexican was only for 45 minutes, the second one with an old friend I haven't seen since college was almost 2 hours. However, my timesheet will not reflect this, because I ran errands for my job after or during those "lunch breaks". I spent a lot of time being jerked around by IT when I was trying to get one of my Fellows' computers fixed, and then felt the same jerking when I tried to get Facilities to fix their AC. I also went to the locksmith three times, to the print shop where I was hit on by a young African American fella - which always happens in the sub-basement (and I have no complaints about that), to duplicating and I got a new ID (for free because they didn't have receipts and I was oozing happiness - people like happiness).

I should probably mention that I managed to drag my ass out of bed at 6:15am to go to the gym before work after contemplating whether or not I was capable of getting myself together my existence. I was pretty high on endorphins when I got to work, and I rode that wave the whole day. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and save for a few awkward nudity encounters, it was well worth it. I will be going to the gym in the mornings now.

After work I met up with this guy I've been chatting with a little bit recently. We walked to the E train together. Pretty good conversation, actually. Unfortunately, he left me in Duane Reade and didn't tell me he had to go. It was kind of rude. I left after trying to locate him for 5 minutes. I had time to kill. I wasn't meeting with Nyeg until 8pm, I was currently slotted to get to Honey by 7pm (and did). I got a cupcake at Crumbs. Probably the best I've had from there (try the Smiley Face sometime if you can). When I got into the train station it was PACKED. The train was even more packed for a little while, but eventually emptied out. We got stuck between 34th and 23rd for 20 minutes because of heavy congestion ahead of us. The train conductor apologized for the delay about 40 times.

I was thankful for the delay because the train was ACed and outside is not - it was hot as fish grease outside.

I got to Honey at 7pm and Door man asked where my fantastic four were and where we were last week, blah blah blah. I like him a lot. He's the one that found my wallet. So I sat outside alone drinking two Cosmos. Unfortunately, I had eaten some of the amazing cupcake when I was stuck on the train and that didn't sit too well with the liquor. So I took it slow. at 7:55pm after waiting almost an hour listening to these three girls next to me talk about  some of the craziest shit I've heard (vagina cancer and a lesbian debauchery), I get a text from Nyeg saying she's not coming. I immediately tell B, and I'm infuriated. I chug my last Cosmo and prepare to leave, but wait! B says she's at 34th Street and is on her way.

Let the drinking recommence.

It didn't stop, and I swear that shot at 1:30am was a bad fucking idea. Especially considering I had had 10 cosmos at that point I think?

We stayed outside the whole night. After the sun went down and I stopped sweating - it was a lot better. We witnessed a car accident and a fight that left a guy laying on the curb bloodied up. There was a drunken Canadian whose birthday it was and she put her number in my phone and invited us to her bday party on Saturday. I gave her the rest of my cupcake. She was schwasted. We complained about the waitress and made friends with two of the service managers and the general manager. We're loyal and they love us - therefore we should expect better service from this Thursday forward.

At around 1:35, right after our last shot - we left.

I almost missed my stop on the train, again. The doors were about to close when they said the next stop, and I JUMPED UP and flung my arms between the closing doors (I had nice scrapes), and managed not to miss my stop. Some guy decided to make a comment about me almost missing my stop - it was friendly though, and I was drunk.

I got home and OhD showed up. It was odd, it's like he has spidey senses for when I'm home and he wants to crash on my couch. So I let him in, he went to his couch and I went to bed.

I woke up at 6:15 this morning and wanted to kill myself something. I was so parched that I chugged some water. 5 minutes later, said water and about a cup's worth of bile exited my body the wrong way, all whilst talking to my dad through the bathroom door.

Dehydration caused my lip to split. I couldn't eat or drink anything for hours.

I went to the chiropractor where I feigned doing my "exercises" (basically these resistance bands that I pull on for a few minutes here and there). I got a massage which was great, and then the fucking neurologist injects me with this shit that I HATE and leaves this nasty blood pocket on my shoulder. I'm in major pain once again on top of my stomach really hating me. Also, I couldn't get their bathroom door open. I swear I almost threw up and shit myself at the same time on the bus on my way to work.

I'm a disaster and all I want is sleep. I actually took a little nap at my desk mid word, up there somewhere. I have a mild case of the spins when I close my eyes though, so I also sat with my head between my knees for a solid 2 minutes as well.

It's taking every bit of my "love" for my job not to lay under my desk in fetal position and cry.

See ya next Thursday, Honey.

Skidmarked memories

Yesterday was not incredibly glamorous. In fact, I was at work until 11:45pm. Seriously, I was PHYSICALLY in my office until almost midnight.

I was submitting a grant yesterday and by some weird magical power that the investigator (PI) I was submitting for, got the go ahead to take her sweet ass time in submitting. The deadline was 11:59pm, but the grants and contracts office at my job generally (and by generally I mean always - with the exception of last night), submits them before the end of the business day (aka 5pm). Well somehow the PI convinced the grants and contacts office to take a laptop home that had the submission capabilities necessary and submit whenever she finished the grant. So I submitted 3 grants after 11pm yesterday. Over 14 hours in my office, and I probably snacked the entire time.

I ate the most random stuff. You will soon learn that I have a grape tomato addiction. They sell pints of grape tomatoes (and other produce) at pretty much every corner near my job. I can easily eat two pints a day (and I did yesterday), even though they tear up my stomach like nobody's business (but my own). I also managed to eat a vine-ripened tomato, two nectarines, 4 hardboiled egg salad (that I make myself), a bowl of new england clam chowder, a cup of chicken noodle soup, an asiago cheese breadstick, a chocolate and raisin pastry twist and a ghiradelli mint chocolate square. This was all at work...When I got home I had 4 pepper poppers and 5 hazelnut wafers. I think I'm blanking out on having something else, but it's probably better that way.

The randomness of my diet makes no sense and I really need to tone it down a bit. Yikes!

Last night when I got home at 1am (I decided to take the train even though the PI gave me like $80 against my will to take a cab - decided to pocket the cash instead), the guy that we'll call Bear, wanted to come over. I was really sleepy, but I haven't seen him in almost a year and we used to cuddle and stuff. He wanted to cuddle again, but I haven't really been in a cuddle mood lately. However, I didn't feel like saying no and so he came over just after 2.

I am no longer attracted to this man at all. AT all. He's missing one of his front two teeth (he was before, but for whatever reason I overlooked this), but when he got there (after making me wait, and I was EXHAUSTED), he smelled like alcohol. Normally this would not be a major issue, but my stomach is still not over hangover Saturday and I had a flashback to the last time I saw this man.

It was last year. He came to my house late at night, SHITHOUSED. He got into bed, smelling like alcohol and sweaty feet, as I pretty much complained about his stench. Then he tried to feel me up. Um, excuse me you SMELL and LOOK dirty, no fucking way is anything going down sir. Stay on your side of the bed.

Now I'm a nice person and generally I'll let drunk people stay, but the smell was TOO much. I'm really sensitive to bad smells. I kicked him out. I told him I couldn't handle the stench and he had to go.

The next morning I woke up and there was a SKIDMARK on my sheets where he had been. Needless to say, I burned those sheets and my vision of him was forever tainted.

I thought he had gotten his act together, but I cannot get over this memory. Sorry Bear, it was nice seeing you again and best of luck with your future endeavors, but my bed is no longer open to your literally dirty ass.

Ugh and he was visibly sweating last night from just existing (while sitting in front of the fan) - keep that shit off my sheets!

Rain, trains and drunken brains.

You know what happens in NYC when it rains? It smells. Not like oh I just farted and that rank smell will dissipate soon, no. This is a lingering stench that is so malodorously offensive that your eyes begin to water and you want to cry for your mommy because she's the only one magical enough to make it all go away.

Speaking of offensive, there's a bitch on this train with me that is so hideously dressed/put together that my eyes are offended and she should get a ticket for her shitty fashion sense. To give you a hint as to what she looks like, imagine an OH MY GOD THERE'S A RAT IN HER SHIRT. I am not kidding everyone. This girl has an albino fucking labrat hanging out in her bra and peeking out of her shit. Woah, revision - this is a naked rat. It's hairless y'all and she's paying it no mind. So again, imagine an oompa loompa of sorts. Taller sort of, but still with green hair. That's correct, she has grass/lime green hair with bleach blond/yellow bangs. And it looks dirty. While she is not a "little person" she is still chunky around the middle and everywhere else. Her clothing only enhances this fact. She is wearing see through hot pink ankle cut leggings, which is hardly containing her flubber, but at least she had the decency to wear modest shorts over the see through leggings...oh wait. She is wear short short black cotton shorts. And you know when you have big enough thighs that they rub together? You know what that does to short shorts, right? You got it, they are forming the crotch pointing arrow (aka they are riding up on both sides in the middle). They are also dirty and dotted with little brown dirt specks. but wait, there's more. She is wearing a white mostly see through wifebeater, again with a rat exploring around in there and a tiny mesh construction vest that you couldn't close with a staple gun. Throw in some black and blue jordans, and a red sixers hat and you have what's sitting across from me.

Addendum, I lied, the rat is not naked, it's just incredibly pink, like she made it that way on purpose (dyed it). And it's crawling up her and making annoying noises. Now it's in her hair. Oh and she has snake bite and monroe piercings. Not a pretty girl...and guess what? I took a picture. Yup! Look at this gem.

I didn't get a picture of her boyfriend who would be just to the girl it the yellows' left

Never a dull moment NYC. (PS. I wanna kill her friend sitting next to her. He's playing guitar hero on that laptop, with the volume bllllasting and dickhead standing next to him - not pictured - just decided to play music aloud on his phone to compete)

And now we return to what my Thursday and so far my Friday has been.

Yesterday was mostly exhausting, but in a good way. After work the Mexican and I went with another friend to get our biweekly manicure at Dashing Diva, where Thursdays and Fridays after 5pm you get a free Cosmo that is brilliantly made. So we got a little sloshed at the nail salon.

We made our way to Grand Central and on the way there was this glorious specimen of a man, but he didn't smile at all, so I didn't feel comfortable saying anything to him. All you need to know is that at lunch today the Mexican and I talked about the unicorn that that man was. I would really like a piece, but at least I have new fantasy material.

When we arrived we parted ways. I went walking around to kill time. Inhaled a few dumplings and made my way to Bath and Body Works. I met up with B and Sister and spent money on things that I didn't really need (what's new?). B and I then went to Strawberry to get her an outfit to wear to the Honey Lounge. With something new to wear in tow, we made our way down to Union Square where I argued with a retard on the train because he wanted directions and couldn't handle both B and I telling him what he needed to do. Seriously, he was actually "slow".

You'll be proud of me folks, I used my gym membership this month. I paid $74 this month for B to be able to change her clothing somewhere and for a place for me to pee. Thank you New York Sports Club.

At NYSC I texted Chris who was already at Honey to see if she could order us drinks before Happy Hour was over. When we arrived, 4 drinks were waiting for us. Yummy yum martinis. I ordered 4 more drinks before happy hour ended 15 minutes later. I drank the first 3-4 really damn quick and got a niiice buzz. I danced, harassed the Senegalese bathroom attendant that I usually harass and enjoyed myself. Senegalese guy tried to lie to me about his age though, he said he was 25 but was born in September of 1987. Stupid. B left pretty early and then Chris and I didn't leave long after that. We were on our way home before midnight.

I inhaled two slices of pizza drunkenly and ran into B! So we frolicked to the train together and my train was there when we got to the station! The MTA has been kind for the past few days. I'm sure tonight my luck will change. I didn't get a seat though and was standing in the middle of the train holding onto two of the bars to keep myself from spinning or getting nauseous in any way. I kept it classy.

Got home, decided to be dirty as shit and just go to bed. I meant to get a BC to come over but I fell asleep on my phone and missed that opportunity. Was woken up by the torrential downpour at 3am. I'm talking sky opening up, God smiting, need to locate Noah and his Ark before we get washed away type rain. I went to work late and then stayed way more than late. Now I'm procrastinating taking a shower before I go to Marquee - story of my life.

See you on Monday, folks.