Thursday, June 30, 2011

Who needs sleep during the week?

I honestly don't have much to say. Well that's at least how I feel when I start all of these posts, and then somehow I end up with an absurd amount of words filling up my little e-page and I'm flabberghasted at how long-winded I am. (Run-on sentences are proof of said windedness.)

I'm pretty sure I'm just going to end up writing random facts about myself, but I guess I will tell you about my Tuesday and Wednesday, since somehow I didn't update yesterday. This might be because I had to spend a lot of time checking on blogs after my brief hiatus from the e-world.

I wish I could tell you that Tuesday was glorious, but in all honesty, I have NO idea what I did on Tuesday. I don't think I went right home, but at the same time I can only remember....oh that's right, I went to the gym. The fucking gym.

Now I've spoken about my love/hate relationship with the gym before. Well I was completely wiped out from Monday night's shenanigans, but after a lot of coaxing and motivating "you can do it"'s from Mo, well...I ended up at the gym.

When I got there, total body conditioning was going on and I missed it. When I left, Zumba was going on, and I avoided it like the plague that Zumba is. I know some of you love that shit, and I probably would too if, when I was sober, I didn't have the rhythm and coordination of a big-footed middle aged white man. I cannot Zumba. I cannot latin dance. Screw Shakira, my hips lie, all the damn time. Because when you see these hips, obviously meant for baby-bearing thanks to long lines of baby bearers in my history, you will probably be tricked into thinking they can swivel in the correct direction. The correct direction being the direction I, the bearer of said hips, am willing them to go. If you though this, you would be sorely mistaken. I am always two steps behind the Zumba instructor. I can't even keep up with the middle-aged women with absolutely no figure whatsoever, somehow managing to go 1, 2, chachacha-ing all over the gym with ease.

Fuck you rhythm having people. Fuck you all. I need a damn drink if I plan on even attempting Zumba or the likes. Because when I drink, I don't care, and my body gets so loose that my hips fling all over the place and I'll be damned if that's not what Zumba is all about.

Obviously, I'm as jacked as this guy here.
Phew, now that that little rant is out of the way. I did my typical 40 minutes of cardio, because I'm a lazy piece when I get to the gym and can only manage to drag myself onto a machine to watch TV. Then I looked around for the leg press. I had a really nice burn from leg presses last week, and that showed me I was actually doing something. And although I've recently been using the phrase "these thunder thighs make it rain," lately, I would prefer if the lower half of my body did not cause any meteorological changes. I actually quite like the sun and am not so fond of rain - especially when I have somewhere to go.

So I went on the hunt for the simple leg press. I just wanted to sit and push the panel with my legs, that's all. Obviously this was too much to ask. After aimlessly walking around the gym (yes I'm one of those people), well maybe not aimlessly because I was really trying to find this damn machine, I ended up on a quad machine that I don't mind, but I still prefer the leg press. Then I did my inner and outer thighs. Um, my groin hurts today. Thanks gym. In retrospect, the leg soreness could also be from Steel Pans....which brings me to the next portion of my story.

I got home at 8pm and am excited to lay in my bed after eating a delicious salad and showering. I was texting with Steel Pans because if I don't message him every few days he thinks I've forgotten about him, and proceeds to tell me so. Anyway, I told him I wouldn't be home on Wednesday night, at which point he said that even though he had work at 6am the next morning, he was on his way.

I really hope that my family doesn't actually ever read this. I only published the link on facebook once or twice, but that was before I actually blogged regularly. The reason I say this, is the next portion of this entry (which I will italicize) will be sexually explicit enough to not really be appropriate for my mom and dad to read - although they might've heard the actual occurrence going down.

It was only 10:30pm when Steel Pans got there, and thinking that my mom - newly out of school for the summer - would be up, I decided to actually go to the door and walk him to my room. Normally I just leave the door unlocked when I know he's coming over and it allows me to be lazy, and naked when he gets there. (Actually, he's asked me to be naked already when he gets there to cut down on time - but on principle no, I'm always clothed.) It's been over a year since we've been doing this stuff, so I pretty much know how it's going to go down. However, Tuesday evening was different. He go there, we went upstairs, I got into bed and immediately clothes were off. It was probably one of the better sexual encounters I've had. It was a 20 minute quickie - which it was supposed to be - and aggressive as all hell and just brilliant. I almost popped my shoulder out of its socket, but that's fine. It took a lot to walk him back to the door afterward - but safety first. Someone's gotta lock the door, right?

I would call Tuesday night a great success. Sadly I had to be up early to go to the chiropractor on Wednesday morning. I planned on going to Dyckman Wednesday night so I packed accordingly and knew it would be a long night.

After spending a good portion of time trying to figure out the best way to get up to Dyckman, I realized there was none. I stuck around for the faculty meeting for a half an hour after work and then made my way to the Stumble. Downed two hard ciders in about 45 minutes, maybe a half hour. Chit chatted a bit with a bunch of people and then needed to leave to get up to Dyckman at 8pm. Some of my friends were going to see Jim Gaffigan in the park, but I am pretty loyal to basketball now, so I made my choice. 

It took me 4 trains and an hour and a half to get to Dyckman. 6 to the E. E to the A. A to the 1...and I still managed to get to the park with 5 minutes left in the first half of the first game of the night. The park was packed. They already closed the whole thing off. I was standing outside with Puppy, who is B's friend and is a bit younger than me but he's just adorable and he wants to be in love so badly (hence why I call him Puppy - Puppy love, you know?). I literally call him Puppy in person though, folks.

Puppy and I were standing outside, drinking free samples of frozen raspberry lemonade from McDonald's waiting for Sister to get there, or Brother to come out and get us. I was adding vodka to mine, just trying to maintain my buzz from the stumble. Hard cider makes me feel fuzzy - and I really like it.

Sister and Trace got there, B was on her way. It took an absurd amount of time to get into the park. Lots of pushing and I swear I wanted to hit this guy Mike in the face if he stepped on my foot one more time with his pompous ass. While I say that, I would totally give him the business because he makes bank playing ball overseas, likes white girls, and has the body type that I thoroughly enjoy. But I digress. So we finally get in, and there's nowhere to sit. We're supposed to have this whole section, but it was packed with leftovers from the first game. This resulted in some people who were not familiar with Puppy, Trace and I to be rude as shit. There were stupid things said about how if we didn't sit down they were going to throw things, and when I said hold on, this girl copped a heavy attitude and I had to clench my teeth not to respond. It all ended up getting to Trace, because she's not the type to be disrespected. She ended up leaving with B when B got there at half time and she was upset. It was a big mess. The whole section ended up standing the whole game, against the barricade, on the bleachers, you name it, people were there. 

Dumb shit happens when everyone's packed like sardines at a sporting event. This guy hit this big girl in the face, and she obviously flipped out and went to go snuff him and there was a momentary fight break out. Everything was shortly resolved, but still - that's what happens people.

We ended up winning the game, but it was really late when it was over. I didn't want to take the 1 train, because it's a POS train. I wanted BiL to drive me to the 4 train. We were kind of loitering outside, as per usual and B and Trace came back. Trace was still upset. B was visibly agitated. I just wanted bed.

I found out that the car BiL and Sis rented needed to be dropped off right by my job by 9am the next morning so I ended up going back with them eventually. We had to stop and pick up Niece and drop Puppy off. Then we had to go run an errand, and then we went to White Castle. It was almost 2am when we got back to the house. I showered, shoveled in my sliders and sweet potato fries and promptly passed out.

They dropped me off to work this morning and I walked the last 20 blocks, which was actually kind of pleasant.

Had another hard cider at lunch with the Mexican and Sarah. Going for a manicure after work, a going away party, and the Blockheads - and possibly Honey...because Honey is always a possibility.

I'm really sleepy, but we get out at 1pm tomorrow but are paid until 5, which is brilliant!

I wish I were in Jamaica with some of my friends though. Way too expensive though. Bummer.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Basketball, Bad Reffing and Breakdowns.

I've been a bad, bad...blogger.

I feel like it's been forever since I've written anything and the fact is that it's almost been a week. I hope that you guys haven't missed me too much. Life got a little hectic and you know I don't like posting over the weekends, so here is my Wednesday through Monday wrap up.

Wednesday my Fellows graduated. That's right, I felt like a proud mama as the doctors I've been working with for the past year and a half of my life finished their training. Of course, three of four of them are staying on as faculty, but that doesn't matter. The graduation party went of without a hitch. I was a little worried because I really don't like planning functions like that because I get myself all anxious that I didn't get enough of this or that and people will be disappointed. However, I had no reason to worry. There was plenty of food and I'm slowly figuring out how to plan these damn graduations and how much food we need, etc. My boss and some of my fellows actually performed some a capella songs that were hilarious and I have on video to hold over their heads forever. Graduation only lasted about an hour and a half, but I was sufficiently exhausted. I didn't get time to really enjoy the open top shelf bar either, because I was running around playing hostess. No matter what though, I did a damn good job and I'm glad that's over with (until next year).

Of course since it was Wednesday, and last week I got scolded for not making it to the Stumble Inn, I headed over. The Mexican was mourning the loss of his dog in the best way he knew how...with drinks, nachos and dancing. There were a bunch of us there and it was a lot of fun. Just before we started to leave there was this guy that was hitting on this girl right next to me, when I say "right next to me" I mean, she was practically sitting on my lap and the guy was leaning disgustingly close to me. He was short, ugly with wiry longer hair that he tried to hard to make cool and he kept touching her in ways that made ME uncomfortable. More than once I wanted to punch him in the face, and knock their drinks off of our table and onto the floor. Instead, I pulled my shit together and Triathalon and I left. Tri is staying in Brighton Beach right now, so we could take the train together. We were talking about his work outs on the way home and they made me tired just listening to. He told me he'd make me an exercise regimen but he'd have to know EVERYTHING about my gym habits, and that freaked me out. He's a bit intense, nice guy though.

Think, think, think...did anything else happen on Wednesday? Nope.

On to Thursday.

Thursday, as per usual, we went to Honey. I convinced the Mexican to walk with me to the train and look for a dry cleaners to hem my pants. I basically walked around confused for about 10 minutes about where to go because I didn't write down the address of the tailor I intended to go to, because I make good decisions. I went from there directly to Honey because B was meeting me there pretty darn early. If I remember correctly we were there by about 6pm. Even though it had been gross earlier in the day and was threatening rain, we still sat outside for a while. We were annoyed at the stupid waitress and complained that we wanted our old waitress back. She tried to end happy hour an hour early, stupid bitch. This is like the 5th plus time I've been there for happy hour, I know when that shit ends. Don't play with me, I was NOT in the mood. The doorman, however, confirmed for us that happy hour did end at 9pm, in fact. GOTCHA! So me, Nyeg and B went inside after happy hour. I definitely had 6 cosmos. After we went in, I decided to get two long islands, obviously. The bartender held onto my wallet for me, because I obviously could not be trusted to care for it myself (she was right). B left at 10 or so. Nyeg and I stayed until it closed, which was probably around 2.

I should tell you now that I decided after spending 14 hours in the office on Tuesday, I was taking Friday off.

Anyway, so we were getting ready to leave and I was still sufficiently tipsy. Being tipsy, I decided to talk to the DJ about whatever the fuck we were talking about, maybe Brooklyn? This is key, remember this folks. I had closed out my tab, retrieved my wallet, said goodbye to everyone and stopped at the DJ booth.

Then we left, and walked down the block to McDonald's. When I get drunk enough, I don't remember to eat, so even though Nyeg was going to get something, I wasn't planning on it. Something told me to look for my wallet though. Well guess wallet was not in my bag.

Now, I'm one of those people who hated wallets for years. I was a straight up pocket user, but putting stuff in your pockets can often make parts of your body look weird, and I started wearing things without pockets. Welp, I still have that mindset even though EVERYTHING is in my wallet. All of my credit cards, all of my gift cards, all of my cards for any kind of rewards, my cash, insurance stuff, ID, get the point. Well you can imagine that I was pretty much infuriated because how and where the fuck did I lose my wallet?

We went back to Honey and I gave the head security guy my number in case they found it. I canceled my credit card. While I was on the phone with the credit card people, I missed a call. It was Honey! They found my wallet! I was only missing 30 bucks or so and nothing else.

I am LUCKY. I gave the biggest hug to the doorman and we chatted a bit at the bus stop. We were going to go somewhere else, but after the debacle that just happened, it was a bit late. We walked over to Union Square and instead of meeting up with her friends in the mid-50s, we got pizza. There was a guy there with beautiful eyes who sadly was in a relationship and then this "couple" came in that was really cute. I say "couple" because I think he wants to be with her, and she's slightly resistant. We made it clear that we thought he was in love with her and she should give in because he seems like a good guy.

Don't remember what time I got home, but I'm PRETTY SURE the sun was coming up.

Friday, because I took off from work, I agreed to drive with Sister to Niece's basketball game in Nyack, NY. Now let me tell you something. It takes me 30-40 minutes to drive from my house to Sister's at night and early on the weekends.

I started driving at 2:30 I think.

Stupid fucking choices. It took me an hour and a half to get to Sister's. I wanted to shoot babies. It was sad. I have bad road rage. This young hispanic guy was trying to hit on me from his friend's car when we were stuck in traffic going onto the Triboro. It was pretty hilarious, but I wasn't really amused due to the fact that I was in stand still traffic for an hour at that point.

Anyway, I got to Sister's house a little bit later than I planned (oh about an hour), and then Brother in Law drove to go pick Sister up, and then we had to drop uniforms off to his coach and I swear to god there's a Homer ass print in my car from being in it for so damn long.

So we got to Niece's game after another brief stint in traffic and driving through horror move fog. When we got there however, the refs weren't even there. So one of the kids' dads was reffing and this other guy came in a few minutes later and they played and even though sometimes they were annoyed with the kid's dad, they reffed pretty well. The girls ended up losing by two I think. It was pretty absurd. The real ref showed up 56 SECONDS before the end of the game. They agreed to play another 10 minutes with the real ref.

This was a bad idea seeing as how the "real" ref was a douchebag. In the time that he was reffing the game, many a tear were shed. They were getting really aggressive on the court and some of the moms flipped out because they wanted to know when the guy was going to blow the damn whistle and keep the game safe. The best player on Niece's game got hit in the face I think. There was just a lot of "fighting" and it was really inappropriate for 6th grade girls to be going through, and the person who should've been making sure they were safe and playing fair was a dickhead. When the moms all got up and flipped out he was like "I don't have time for this..." blah blah blah. Excuse me "sir", but I'm pretty sure you showed up an hour and a half late to your JOB. You were getting paid for this shit, WE are the ones whose time YOU'VE wasted.

Needless to say, everyone left a little agitated.

I learned when I arrived at Sister's that we were going straight to B-i-L's game down at Baruch College, the Fireball Tournament. I'm really becoming a basketball spectator, seeing as how I've been to 5 games in 4 days. Anyway, so yeah, after the game we decided to go to City Island for more delicious food. It's fine that all I ever want is seafood and we went to City Island already that Wednesday, no big deal.

On the way to City Island though BiL was driving my car, because I don't drive out there unless I have to. We were at a red light or something and sister goes "Don't let this guy in." about someone coming up on our left. I could tell that this guy wasn't really paying attention though and BiL started to go when the light turned green and so did the other car...right into my door. Yup, scraped a bunch of his paint off on my car. We both pulled over, Sister got the license plate number. She and I popped out of the car and the passenger of the other car gets out. He goes "I'm sorry, my friend is a new driver, this is my car. Take down my number and I'll pay for it." At this point he's talking to Sister and I'm looking at the scratch, a little INFURIATED. I'm pretty good in these situations though and I start rubbing at the scratch and pretty much it was just his paint on my car, so I was like "Forget it, get in the car sis." This guy in a cab behind us was like "I'll give you ladies a ride anywhere." It was inappropriate but I didn't pay him any mind. The guy made me take his number though, and he had me call his phone in front of him to show me that was his number (or to know what number to avoid). Either way, I didn't end up calling because it was not that serious and I was trying to keep the peace, and we were back on our way.

Dinner was awesome, as per usual and I was so sleepy and in a food coma. I couldn't even drive home I was so sleepy so I slept at Sister's.

At around 10am, my mom texted me asking if I was coming home because my uncle, aunt and cousin were on their way to my house to go get Dim Sum. Being fat, and not having had Dim Sum in a long time, I left Sister's and was home before 11. I almost killed a little kid running across the street without looking. I also almost killed a stupid fucking Mexican (not MY Mexican) who walked halfway across the street, I started to turn and then he realized he forgot something and turned around without looking to walk back the way he came in the middle of the street, causing me to slam on my brakes. I then cursed him out and we yelled at each other as I drove away.

 It was nice to see my family. I haven't seen my uncle...etc since Thanksgiving of last year. That's typically the only time we see each other these days. They're pleasant, at least my mom's side of the family (it's her brother).

There was another playoff game that night. I needed a pedicure desperately and so my mom and I went, and AGAIN they gave me this one trainee that's there and I wanted to fucking kick her in the face. I'm sorry to sound to violent, but she really tried to use someone else's pumus stone on my foot WITHOUT WASHING IT. I almost flipped out. I don't play games with foot fungus. And then she almost forgot the lotion after she scrubbed all of the fucking skin off of my legs. Needless to say, I didn't smile the entire time and looked like I was going to murder her (which I thought about).

We finally got home and I relaxed a bit and then got my shit together and went back to Baruch. They won the game and I met up with VWR and Golda for dinner after the game. We had decent Thai food, I thought the Pad Thai was a bit too sweet, but it happens sometimes. None of us were really interested in going out that night after that so we all went home and I got amazing sleep. I invited them to the Fireball finals on Sunday (VWR ended up taking me up on that - the lover of bball that she is).

Sunday I got up and cooked random stuff in the morning. Mostly jalapeno poppers. Those took too damn long, but I got a little more time to relax before I had to be back at Baruch, again with a drink in hand (I brought one on Saturday too - makes me more social).

I got to the game, and then B got there and VWR. We all watched the game and we were winning by a good amount for a while, but it got very tense very quickly. Let's just say that our team was robbed. Blatantly. Even the other team thought so, but since they have some NBA players on their team and the Brooklyn crowd was being rowdy and threatening, they kept making a million calls for the other team. It was bad. So bad that I, as a non-basketball knowing person, knew that they were being robbed in a very very shitty way.

Now let me take a second to tell you that Sister's life is basketball. It has been for over a decade, and she's known for being full of heart, and loud. She makes her opinions heard at games. She also makes them known.

The team lost by 1 when there was about 30 seconds on the clock. It was heartbreaking. Sister took it upon herself to give her opinion by chucking a basketball at the head of the ref making the majority of the bad calls. She tried to do it again but TD stopped her. B, trying to protect her sister from doing something stupid, tried to talk to her. They ended up in a fight of sorts with a bit of pushing. B decided that Sister didn't want help and we left.

I guess it got worse after we left with non-confrontational people getting confrontational and them chasing one of the refs down the block...etc.

This event will be talked about for the rest of the basketball summer - it sure was the next night...but we're not up to that yet.

TD, B, VWR and I went to dinner at this pretty cute place where you eat peanuts and throw the shells on the floor (not unlike Texas Roadhouse, but not a chain). We had frozen margaritas which were delicious. TD and B went home afterward, but VWR and I went to Caliente cab where we had another GIGANTIC frozen margarita.

I ended up a touch sloshed and when I got home, I ended up having a slight mental breakdown on my porch. I might get into it at a later point, but basically something my neighborhood said to my mom triggered something in me and I was just a mess. It was good though, because it made me realize that it's time to move on from my past and I have to stop blaming EVERYTHING on some other people, just some things.

I slept well on Sunday night minus waking up every few hours to drink a bottle of water because Tequila makes me SO thirsty. Also, I might've pulled something in my neck.

On Monday, Little Brother graduated high school and while I missed the graduation I went up to B's house for celebratory dinner. Also, there was a make up game at Dyckman from last Wednesday so TD came back, and we went down to the game. Puppy was with us. He's adorable, and there's something about him that I like that I can't put my finger on it. Nothing will ever happen there though, blew that about two years ago because of someone else.

Aaaaannnyway, we were at the game and they had us behind this gate because Sister was not allowed on the court. I don't know if they were joking or they actually put up the fence because of her. Either way, it was fine.

My body is really tired of bleachers. The game was really good, although a fight did almost break out. I'm not much of a fight spectator. Everyone stands up and wants to know what's going on. I figure I'll find out at some point. I did stand to see what was going on eventually, but I kind of waited it out.

We went back to Sister's house and B and I had a heart to heart about my mental breakdown and we went to sleep.

Bringing us to today, Tuesday. My new Fellows started today and I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off (pretty much the story of my life). I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do later, but I'm getting sleepy and I was supposed to go to the movies, but it never works out with this guy. I'm about to delete him and move on with my life. I was just invited to some other situation though, so maybe I'll hit that up.

I missed you all and I'm sorry that I was MIA. I'm back now though.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Skidmarked memories

Yesterday was not incredibly glamorous. In fact, I was at work until 11:45pm. Seriously, I was PHYSICALLY in my office until almost midnight.

I was submitting a grant yesterday and by some weird magical power that the investigator (PI) I was submitting for, got the go ahead to take her sweet ass time in submitting. The deadline was 11:59pm, but the grants and contracts office at my job generally (and by generally I mean always - with the exception of last night), submits them before the end of the business day (aka 5pm). Well somehow the PI convinced the grants and contacts office to take a laptop home that had the submission capabilities necessary and submit whenever she finished the grant. So I submitted 3 grants after 11pm yesterday. Over 14 hours in my office, and I probably snacked the entire time.

I ate the most random stuff. You will soon learn that I have a grape tomato addiction. They sell pints of grape tomatoes (and other produce) at pretty much every corner near my job. I can easily eat two pints a day (and I did yesterday), even though they tear up my stomach like nobody's business (but my own). I also managed to eat a vine-ripened tomato, two nectarines, 4 hardboiled egg salad (that I make myself), a bowl of new england clam chowder, a cup of chicken noodle soup, an asiago cheese breadstick, a chocolate and raisin pastry twist and a ghiradelli mint chocolate square. This was all at work...When I got home I had 4 pepper poppers and 5 hazelnut wafers. I think I'm blanking out on having something else, but it's probably better that way.

The randomness of my diet makes no sense and I really need to tone it down a bit. Yikes!

Last night when I got home at 1am (I decided to take the train even though the PI gave me like $80 against my will to take a cab - decided to pocket the cash instead), the guy that we'll call Bear, wanted to come over. I was really sleepy, but I haven't seen him in almost a year and we used to cuddle and stuff. He wanted to cuddle again, but I haven't really been in a cuddle mood lately. However, I didn't feel like saying no and so he came over just after 2.

I am no longer attracted to this man at all. AT all. He's missing one of his front two teeth (he was before, but for whatever reason I overlooked this), but when he got there (after making me wait, and I was EXHAUSTED), he smelled like alcohol. Normally this would not be a major issue, but my stomach is still not over hangover Saturday and I had a flashback to the last time I saw this man.

It was last year. He came to my house late at night, SHITHOUSED. He got into bed, smelling like alcohol and sweaty feet, as I pretty much complained about his stench. Then he tried to feel me up. Um, excuse me you SMELL and LOOK dirty, no fucking way is anything going down sir. Stay on your side of the bed.

Now I'm a nice person and generally I'll let drunk people stay, but the smell was TOO much. I'm really sensitive to bad smells. I kicked him out. I told him I couldn't handle the stench and he had to go.

The next morning I woke up and there was a SKIDMARK on my sheets where he had been. Needless to say, I burned those sheets and my vision of him was forever tainted.

I thought he had gotten his act together, but I cannot get over this memory. Sorry Bear, it was nice seeing you again and best of luck with your future endeavors, but my bed is no longer open to your literally dirty ass.

Ugh and he was visibly sweating last night from just existing (while sitting in front of the fan) - keep that shit off my sheets!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The loss of dignity (and other not so important items)

Random Fact:
I prefer to eat New England Clam Chowder when it is garnished with fresh tomatoes and parsley

Boy have I missed you guys! I was handed a bunch of grant work to do on Friday so it's had me swamped. I meant to update over the weekend, but an incredible hangover obtained on Friday night kept me strictly limited to lazy as shit activities (which must not include blogging).

When we last met, I still had a shred of my weekly quota of dignity left. Well let's just say thank goodness Monday brought a new store of dignity because I damn sure lost a handful this weekend.

Saturday was supposed to be marvelous. Grandiose, fun filled, excitement packed, was spent in my bed feeling mostly miserable and I literally could not get my act together to go to any of the four places I was invited. This is not typical folks, that I'm invited to so many glorious activities (although when I am, they usually all fall on the same day - case and point.) I did not make it to the bowling party, blockheads, Negrils, Kristen's birthday party or to Bar None with Feather.

Now I'll tell you something folks, normally the next day I would feel like I missed out. I would regret not going out, but goddammit, based on how I felt on Saturday I did not feel bad for staying home and nursing myself back to health.

I should probably explain why I felt like such trash on Saturday. Well I went out on Friday night (obviously). After leaving work at 8pm, I made my way back to my abode where I thought I would relax the rest of the night. I laid in bed, watching TV until about 10:30pm deciding what I was going to do. Feather invited me to Marquee for her friend's birthday. Seeing as how I'm an adult and I want to meet new people, after a lot of internal struggling, I decided to get my ass into gear and go out.

I took a bottle of firefly with me on the train. Also, I knew there would be tables, so I wore flats and brought wedges to change into before going into the club. I also wore my favorite track jacket over my dress. I drank a lot on the train, and my body was not too pleased.

I changed my shoes and was trying to get a hold of Feather because I didn't know what to say at the door to get in for free and all that jazz. I was waiting on line (more like in a pack) and I was getting frustrated because I finally knew what to say and I didn't know why they weren't letting people in, and I ended up making a bit of a stink and got into an argument with one of the door men, who thought he would be a complete dickhead and tell me regardless of being on the list, I would have to pay now. WHATEVER, I went in and instead of paying the $20, the money taker guy told me I should smile and that I only had to pay $10. That cheered me up a bit.

I found Feather and Kaidy (the birthday girl) in the back and started dancing. Feather immediately handed me a cup and some guy filled it up some of the way with vodka. I found juice and added that, and then topped off my drink with more vodka. I spilled a little on this guy because the stupid bottle had one of those tips that allows you to pour slower and not really spill. I guess that backfired because I tried to pour like a normal person and the vodka shot out.

Anyway, we were dancing, I was drinking. I went with Kaidy to the bathroom and then we went looking for someone. It's at this point, I blacked out. Yup, I did it again. I remember a few flashes here and there. I remember this guy who must've just been starting his dreads because his head looked like a koosh ball, but where each of the dread were the size of a thumb and spiked out in weird directions. He also had these glasses that I remember being too small for his face.

Guess who drove me back to Brooklyn that night, folks. Yup, THAT guy. I told Feather I would call her tomorrow and that this guy was going to give me a ride home. I realize now that this was not particularly safe AT ALL, but I don't make good decisions sometimes. Feather called me the next day to make sure I was still alive...surprisingly, I was.

I remember three things from that night. I remember walking into his building, although I don't know where it was. I remember that we definitely had sex, or at least attempted to. I also remember being a whiny bitch in the morning and he kept telling me to get up, and it was sunny while I was refusing to move.

He gave me a ride home, it was a less than 10 minute drive - that's all I remember about it, oh and that I was holding my leggings. I might've walked to the car barefoot. I remember unlocking my door with my key and thinking to myself "This is a good sign, it means I still have my clutch." I was definitely still drunk though, even at 7am. Woke up that way too.

Here's the kicker. Not only do I not remember where he lives, but I don't know his name. The only thing I remember is his goddamn shitty hair.

I took out my contacts, got undressed and got into bed. At 1pm I started to take stock of what I still had and what I had lost. Here is what I came up with.

Still had:
  • Whole clutch, all contents included
  • Purse
  • Camera (although without case or extra memory card)
  • Wedges
  • All limbs in tact
  • All of the condoms I brought with me (this is a slight cause for worry, but I'm not in full panic mode yet - just getting a TINY BIT paranoid)
  • Friends

  • Favorite Belt (I actually found this!)
  • One red flat (it might be under a piece of furniture in my room though)
  • Camera case
  • Track jacket (nooooooo! - update, I actually found the jacket. It was on the coat rack in the front foyer of my house)
  • Dignity. All of it.
  • Mind
  • Sobriety
  • All motivation for the rest of Saturday.

So overall, it was pretty successful.

Saturday I did NOTHING. I couldn't even motivate myself into the shower after my Saturday morning hooker bath before I knocked out. All I did was make mini sweet peppers stuffed with herbed cream cheese and wrapped in bacon. I burnt the bejesus out of the roof of my mouth with one of these suckers and it peeled yesterday which made me a little nervous about some kind of disease (here's the paranoia again)

Steel Pans did come over drunk at 4am and somehow slept until about 3pm the next day. I was quite nice in that I didn't harass him and wake him up, and I even wished him a happy father's day because I'm so nice.

Sunday, Father's day was cute. Spent a little time with my parents, bought my dad a bike and then drove him to go pick it up. Got sushi and almost killed a half dozen people on my commute home because it seems that people forget how to drive on the weekends and holidays.

Didn't do much on Sunday actually, and I'm ok with that. My eye was really messed up. It felt like there was something lodged in there that I couldn't get out for the life of me, which sucked. Monday I actually forced myself to go to the gym and I managed to spend $100 on clothing I don't need from Express.

I'm not going to Philly this weekend, so I don't know what I'm going to do, but it's going to be something. Thursday night we're going to Honey again so that's something to look forward to - I will probably be sloshed.

Tomorrow is Fellows' graduation and Stumble Inn.

I have lots to look forward to, so my liver/stomach and other body parts better get the fuck on board!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Rain, trains and drunken brains.

You know what happens in NYC when it rains? It smells. Not like oh I just farted and that rank smell will dissipate soon, no. This is a lingering stench that is so malodorously offensive that your eyes begin to water and you want to cry for your mommy because she's the only one magical enough to make it all go away.

Speaking of offensive, there's a bitch on this train with me that is so hideously dressed/put together that my eyes are offended and she should get a ticket for her shitty fashion sense. To give you a hint as to what she looks like, imagine an OH MY GOD THERE'S A RAT IN HER SHIRT. I am not kidding everyone. This girl has an albino fucking labrat hanging out in her bra and peeking out of her shit. Woah, revision - this is a naked rat. It's hairless y'all and she's paying it no mind. So again, imagine an oompa loompa of sorts. Taller sort of, but still with green hair. That's correct, she has grass/lime green hair with bleach blond/yellow bangs. And it looks dirty. While she is not a "little person" she is still chunky around the middle and everywhere else. Her clothing only enhances this fact. She is wearing see through hot pink ankle cut leggings, which is hardly containing her flubber, but at least she had the decency to wear modest shorts over the see through leggings...oh wait. She is wear short short black cotton shorts. And you know when you have big enough thighs that they rub together? You know what that does to short shorts, right? You got it, they are forming the crotch pointing arrow (aka they are riding up on both sides in the middle). They are also dirty and dotted with little brown dirt specks. but wait, there's more. She is wearing a white mostly see through wifebeater, again with a rat exploring around in there and a tiny mesh construction vest that you couldn't close with a staple gun. Throw in some black and blue jordans, and a red sixers hat and you have what's sitting across from me.

Addendum, I lied, the rat is not naked, it's just incredibly pink, like she made it that way on purpose (dyed it). And it's crawling up her and making annoying noises. Now it's in her hair. Oh and she has snake bite and monroe piercings. Not a pretty girl...and guess what? I took a picture. Yup! Look at this gem.

I didn't get a picture of her boyfriend who would be just to the girl it the yellows' left

Never a dull moment NYC. (PS. I wanna kill her friend sitting next to her. He's playing guitar hero on that laptop, with the volume bllllasting and dickhead standing next to him - not pictured - just decided to play music aloud on his phone to compete)

And now we return to what my Thursday and so far my Friday has been.

Yesterday was mostly exhausting, but in a good way. After work the Mexican and I went with another friend to get our biweekly manicure at Dashing Diva, where Thursdays and Fridays after 5pm you get a free Cosmo that is brilliantly made. So we got a little sloshed at the nail salon.

We made our way to Grand Central and on the way there was this glorious specimen of a man, but he didn't smile at all, so I didn't feel comfortable saying anything to him. All you need to know is that at lunch today the Mexican and I talked about the unicorn that that man was. I would really like a piece, but at least I have new fantasy material.

When we arrived we parted ways. I went walking around to kill time. Inhaled a few dumplings and made my way to Bath and Body Works. I met up with B and Sister and spent money on things that I didn't really need (what's new?). B and I then went to Strawberry to get her an outfit to wear to the Honey Lounge. With something new to wear in tow, we made our way down to Union Square where I argued with a retard on the train because he wanted directions and couldn't handle both B and I telling him what he needed to do. Seriously, he was actually "slow".

You'll be proud of me folks, I used my gym membership this month. I paid $74 this month for B to be able to change her clothing somewhere and for a place for me to pee. Thank you New York Sports Club.

At NYSC I texted Chris who was already at Honey to see if she could order us drinks before Happy Hour was over. When we arrived, 4 drinks were waiting for us. Yummy yum martinis. I ordered 4 more drinks before happy hour ended 15 minutes later. I drank the first 3-4 really damn quick and got a niiice buzz. I danced, harassed the Senegalese bathroom attendant that I usually harass and enjoyed myself. Senegalese guy tried to lie to me about his age though, he said he was 25 but was born in September of 1987. Stupid. B left pretty early and then Chris and I didn't leave long after that. We were on our way home before midnight.

I inhaled two slices of pizza drunkenly and ran into B! So we frolicked to the train together and my train was there when we got to the station! The MTA has been kind for the past few days. I'm sure tonight my luck will change. I didn't get a seat though and was standing in the middle of the train holding onto two of the bars to keep myself from spinning or getting nauseous in any way. I kept it classy.

Got home, decided to be dirty as shit and just go to bed. I meant to get a BC to come over but I fell asleep on my phone and missed that opportunity. Was woken up by the torrential downpour at 3am. I'm talking sky opening up, God smiting, need to locate Noah and his Ark before we get washed away type rain. I went to work late and then stayed way more than late. Now I'm procrastinating taking a shower before I go to Marquee - story of my life.

See you on Monday, folks.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Shopping, Subways, Stupidity and Seafood (with some ducks)

I've decided that I'm going to start off every as many as I can remember, blog entries with random facts about me that will help you get to know me a little better (whether you want to or not).

1. I can speak French semi-fluently, only when I'm hammered. You can ask Mo
2. I will only drink Snapple out of glass bottles, otherwise it tastes funny!
3. I did my first guest blog post that you can see here right before I went to Bermuda.

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming. Speaking of which, I got the cutest set of texts from my dad today.

Yup, he's the best
The reason he asked why I was alive and well however, is that I didn't go home last night. Which is perfectly fine and pretty common, but still I had mentioned how he only cares about where I am if I have the car, but I guess I was wrong!

Yesterday after my chiro appointment I got a message from B saying that there was a basketball game at Dyckman (pronounced, dyke man - like a butch lesbian, get it?!) in Spanish Harlem all the way uptown. Anyway, in order for me to go, I decided that it would only be logical to stay in the Bronx afterward. In order to stay in the Bronx I needed clothing to wear, and I surely wasn't going to go home to get some. I had been thinking about going to Express for a few days since they've been bombarding me non-stop with their emails about their big end of season sale, and yadda yadda run on sentence.

So I went. I spent a whole goddamn hour in that store and wanted to gouge out my eyes. But wait, I ended up with a few shirts and pants, but I needed panties. This led me down the block to Victoria's Secret. Guess who's having their semi-annual sale? Yup, 40 minutes and another absurd line later I had 10 more pairs of panties than I needed. You didn't think it would end there, right? I plan on staying at B's a lot this summer, so I dropped by Duane Reade and picked up some essential toiletries to leave at her mom's house. It doesn't end there folks...My feet were hurting at this point, so I decided that I should pick up some flip flops at Old Navy. Guess who's having another end of season sale? Yup, 40 minutes after that and another ABSURD line I made my way to the train.

I got on the train with my gigantic bags to make the 18 stop trip up to Dyckman. Two things happened on the train that really could've messed up my night. First, B called me and said the park was packed and they weren't letting anyone else in the game...

Let that sink in.

I was going to a basketball game where I couldn't get on the court, 10 local stops from where I currently was with approximately $300 worth of merchandise in tow and wearing shoes that were killing my feet. I got off the train and tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do. I decided that I could loiter for 20 minutes outside of the park and I was still on my way. I had already blown off 3 other people. One BC, one guy who wants to be a BC but flipped out because this is day two of blowing him off and the Mexican, because it was Wednesday and I was considering going to the Stumble Inn with him.

Here's number 2 hitch of the day. Guess what stop the Uptown 1 train wasn't making. Yup, you guessed it, Dyckman. I had to take the train to 207th, walk down the staircase with all of my junk and then walk back up on the other side to catch the downtown 1 that would take me to my destination. Then I didn't know which way to go and it's a good thing that I get along with Bodega people because they pointed me in the right direction.

I eventually made it to the park and my phone started doing something janky, it started switching message windows. Now this is either because I'm a fucking idiot (highly plausible) or that the world has an evil twisted plot to make my life more difficult (more plausible, in my opinion). So I was messaging Mo, all of the messages that were meant for B about where I was and how to locate me.

Good going KG, good going.

As I was loitering though I ran into none other than OhD. I'm sure I will mention him again at some point, but now is not the time. Just know that he's a "friend" (and no it's not in quotes because it's sexual, but his friendships are limited). Anyway, he was looking around because he lost his friend's pinky ring when he was pissing between two cars. I tried to help him look for it, but it didn't really work. I was still kind of surprised to see him up there, because I usually see him in Brooklyn and Brooklyn only.

The good thing about finding him was that he managed to get me in the park. The bad part about this is that B left the park to look for me because she couldn't find me inside. Then she got frustrated and made a joke (a crack at OhD) and he flipped out, and there was yelling and I tried to keep the peace, but it didn't work. Oh well.

The game ended about 5 minutes later and B came back inside and we were all talking to people on the court and killing time. We eventually got ourselves together and went to go drop Niece off at Sister's house and to pick up Mike before going to City Island!

City Island was glorious. Basically it's where you go for Seafood, if you're unfamiliar. I had this cold seafood sampler which included shrimp, clams oysters and a whole lobster. That came with a salad, linguini, corn and rice. It was pretty phenomenal. Some of us got drinks which made things a little funnier, but overall the whole family is hilarious and it's always a good time.

Sister's crab legs

That was my Wednesday. I made it to work in record time. It takes literally 15 minutes to get from B's corner to 68th Street on the train, that includes the walk to the train. We've been talking about switching living locations. I live 20 minutes from her job, she lives 20 from mine. We're planning on keeping full wardrobes at each others' houses.

Oh and as a treat, the Mexican and I took a lunch walk yesterday to Rockefeller Institute and they have these fountains and there were DUCKLINGS in the fountain. Super cute.
Mama watching the duckies

Quack quack!

Lastly, I have the sense of humor of an 8 year old and I bought donut holes for this conference at work today. I think they're naughty and the Mexican and I laughed about them for a good 10 minutes. They also said other raunchier things on the box.

Delicious Glazed Hole anyone?

And since it's been pretty springy lately I figured I would post some flower pictures.
These were from my Fellows on Administrative Professionals Day. Note the unbloomed amaryllis in the middle.
It bloomed! And is looking longingly at the sunshine outside of my window.
And for all of you stalkers, this is what the side of my house looked like a few weeks ago.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

"What's up with that?" Wednesday

I can't imagine that this will be a long entry (but I've been wrong before). One of my coworkers is out sick today and I've been playing tour guide to a guest speaker having to walk him all around the hospital because the person who should be doing this is sick again. What's up with that? As soon as you realize you're not going to be here and there's something you were supposed to take care of, don't you think that you should give the people who have to cover you a bit more of a heads up? Maybe send us the guest's itinerary or something so we know what the hell is going on and don't look like fools. (I find myself increasingly concerned with how stupid I look to other professionals. I really hate when someone else makes me look stupid, I can do that all on my own, thank you very much.)

I wasn't planning on coming in to work today because the TV repairman was supposed to come. I hope that he calls me before I have to get on the train to go to my chiropractor so I can tell my mom to head home to meet him. I hate when they give you time frames like "We'll be there between 2 and 6pm on Wednesday, unless it rains, or we decide to take a long lunch and go out to Jones Beach because the weather is wonderful, or if we just decide that today isn't convenient for us and even though you rescheduled your entire day and took off work or giant parakeets start falling from the sky..." you get the point. Seriously, what's up with that? I don't understand these home call people. Don't they realize that they're not the only ones who work and since you only work during the week why do you expect us to be free? I just want my big tv back. SAD face.

In brighter news, Lah gave me my 10 dollars back without me having to prompt. I mean sure it's 2 weeks late, but I wasn't really stressing it. It was nice that he remembered though and held up his side of the "borrowing" agreement. Also, Jason's mom called me on Friday to tell me the second installment of the $1000 he owed me was put in the mail and should be arriving to me today! After a year, my transaction with Jason is finally complete and I can relax and never lend anyone money again!

In slightly less bright news, in fact I would probably call this news somewhere between not-so bright and dim. Maybe like a halogen lamp starting up, you know it could potentially get brighter (if it doesn't blow out like the one in my bedroom has) but for now, not so much. I ran into my best friend from childhood, CK, on the train today. I miss her, but we became completely different people - that's for sure. We were inseparable through Pre-K and Kindergarten, and before. Then we went to different elementary schools (and different schools from there on out). We hung out some during elementary and middle school because she still lived only 3 blocks away from me, but I wasn't very good at maintaining young friendships because I was a spoiled bitch.

Anyway, this morning, we saw each other on the train and got to talking. Her life seems pretty glorious. I mean she's always been a pretty girl, and super cute. She's short and very healthy and has a nice figure and face and well, personality as well. I thought she was a little weird for a while thanks to the healthnut thing, but she's really not. We were talking about our current endeavors and it turns out that she's a co-owner of two businesses and while she is about to give up her first business, it is for impressive reasons. Her vegan catering company is expanding. In fact, they are merging with a larger corporation and have just invested in their first fleet of raw food trucks. She lawyered up yesterday because this is a big deal and she doesn't want to get stiffed. Also, they're pitching a reality show based on these raw food trucks and she seems really excited about it and thinks it's going to be hilarious, which I'm sure it will! Pretty much the whole conversation she was just impressing me and I was really happy for her (but I got a little down on myself). As I tried to explain what I did to her, and she tried to make my job seem more glamorous, I started to realize more and more I've really got to think about what I plan on doing with my life. Also, I really have to find something I'm passionate about. She's passionate about so many things and has made a business out of two of them (successfully mind you). She seems to happy, and I want to be happy. Gotta get on that.

In even dimmer news, Dominicaitian asked me out yesterday. I agreed to go to the movies with him, because he's a damn good movie buddy and I wanted to see X-Men. As I might've mentioned before, I really don't have any real interest in the guy as more than a friend. I don't feel the chemistry although he seems to. The Mexican told me I'm being a bitch by leading him on. I just like him so much as a friend/movie buddy (because that's all we've ever done together - other than have dinner after a movie one time), that I want to be selfish and not tell him point blank that I see no future for us. This is how the conversation went in the theater after the movie last night. 

Him: What are we?

Me: Friends.

Him: Just friends?

Me: Yes.

Him: What if I wanted to be more than just friends?

Me: I'm really not ready for a relationship, yet (WHY DID I HAVE TO THROW IN THE YET, I think that's why the Mexican thinks I'm a bitch - because that was definitely a lead on word...)

Him: Are you sure? Why not?

Me: Well I haven't really thought about it that much (white lie?), but right now I don't think I have enough time.

Him: Oh. Well I want to spend more time with you.

Me: I'm sorry, I know I'm a busy person. I just have a bunch of commitments. I'm not trying to avoid you. (tiny fib)

Pretty much a shit show of a conversation. He wanted to kiss me - I stopped him citing the "I don't want to get you sick" excuse. To which he retorted "I can't get sick." WELL OK SUPERMAN, still not happening.

I felt bad because I kind of wanted to go home after the movie and he wanted a specific hot dog and the walk would've left me at the local train needing to switch and blah blah wasn't really interested in all he walked me to the train. He was 3 hours early for work. Oops.

I'm an ass.

Oh well, we'll probably go to the movies next week and I'm going to continue to be heartless! What's up with that? (sigh)
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