Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Dealbreaker: Sick suggestions

So my Chinese New Year's resolution was going to be to try and be more positive, but screw that.

I've been thinking recently about my relationship/interest in men dealbreakers are.The reason I've been thinking about this is because every time I get a cold/injured/sick, whatever it may be, I think my BIGGEST dealbreaker comes to the surface. Let me explain.

I am going to be 25 years old, one week from today. Which means I will be concluding my 25th year on this planet. I have had a cold, a stomach virus, an injury or some other sickness more than once in my life. I have had food poisoning. I have had stitches (twice for the same thing). I have had surgery twice. I have had stomach viruses. I've had common colds. I've popped blood vessels in my eye. I've had bacterial infections. I've cut open my own infected cuts to get the pus out (I did this two days ago actually). I've fallen more times than I can count. I've gotten my hand caught in a ceiling fan. I've gotten mugged. I've had a sore throat. I've fallen on my face. I've pulled muscles. I've had shin splints. I've had plantar fasciitis. I've had pityriasis rosea. I've been kneed in the eye socket. I've had second degree burns covering a good percentage of my body. I've been scarred. I've been sliced open. I've had a sore throat.

Basically, what I'm saying, is I know how to handle it. When I tell you I'm under the weather, that is not open season for you to make suggestions as to how I should/can take care of myself.

"Are you drinking tea?"


"You need tea."

THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. If I thought I needed tea, or if I wanted tea, I would get myself some damn tea. Are you going to bring me some? Because if not, please don't tell me what the hell I need. I've been taking care of myself for years. I was not a whiny sick kid. I do not like to be coddled. I don't want to be attended to and waited on. I would rather curl up in my bed and deal with it my goddamn self. I don't need your "expert" opinion because you've had a handful of colds in your life before.

"Have you taken anything? Medication?"

"No, it's not that bad."

"You should take something......have you taken anything yet?"

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD OR SHOULDN'T PUT IN MY BODY? Or for that matter, how do you know what I need? Do you have some kind of special rapport with my immune system that I wasn't aware of? Are you sending out my white blood cells to take care of infections? Did my nose tell you I needed a tissue? Did my throat tell you I needed a cough drop? What about my stomach, did it tell you that it could use some pepto? NO, MOTHERFUCKER, IT DID NOT.

I'm pretty in tune with my body and what I need. I know when I need meds. I know when I need tea. I know when I need OJ. I know when I need a tissue, chloraseptic, pepto, an antacid...etc. I know. Seriously, I do.

I also know when I do not need your opinion, and guess what...I don't need your opinion.

Jesus Christ. If one more guy that I've known for only a few weeks tells me that I need to take a damn pill, or drink some tea, like I'm an invalid that is laying around unable to make decisions about my health, I'm going to scream.

And then I'll need a throat lozenge.


Monica said...

OOOH god this is why we are friends! I hate hate when people try to tell me how to get better! No i don not want to ingest tons of medication in hopes of making my body feel better and then have liver failure or stomach bleeding later. Thank you but I can handle this on my own.

KG said...

EXACTLY! I don't understand why people seem to think they're the ones who must've invented tea too, because they suggest it like it's something brand new!

Anonymous said...

Yeah Chinese New Years Resolutions! Thanks so much for your spelling tips - SO helpful. I should be able to check that reso off the ol list in no time :) Good luck with yours!

Timmer O said...

I love how everyone is an expert at home remedies or common sense knowledge when it comes health matters.

"Are you getting enough sleep? You should rest more"
"You should eat soft foods. Do you have any soup?"
are ones that immediately comes to mind.

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