Since the earthquake..

The pressure in my head has been out of control.

I don't get habitual headaches anymore, or at least I thought I didn't. They are back. My head hurts.

In other news, probably not going to Jamaica for the New Year. Will probably go later in January for my birthday. Vegas in November is still a go. Atlanta will either happen in March or at another point in the springtime.

Basically, I don't know what's going on.

I've accomplished nothing today, but making doctor appointments (one for a new GP and one for the Gyn, because we know about now that's a necessary thing). My surgeon is going to give me a quote for my surgery that I want to have in October but may postpone until February. It's going to be absurd and my head is going to explode. I am not looking forward to this.

Oh and yet again, my parents were super duper considerate and told me at 9pm last night that they would be going out of town for the next four days. Way to let me know that I'll have the house to myself.

Needless to say, there will be a lot of naked running around tonight. That's just what needs to happen.

And I think my mom took the last bag of frozen shrimp even though I told her that wasn't cool. AND she made my spaghetti into a fucking frittata. WHO THE FUCK EATS FRITTATAS?! If it's in the fridge when I get home tonight, it's going DIRECTLY into the garbage. Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.

Rude. I swear! (Sorry there are no visual aids for this post, the Mexican is rushing me to the Stumble and I'm trying to decide if I want to stay and do this grant garbage for work)

Day 8: Fears

This is where this thing starts to get more difficult. I don't fear much, and I think being afraid of things doesn't get you very far. Honestly, I might make up some bullshit just to complete the 8. Eight is a lot. I think my only real fears are big ones and probably should take up numbers like 1-5 are...you know? We'll see how far I get.

I'm afraid of...

1. Not figuring out what I want to do with my life

I'm just lost. I don't like not having a plan. It's really bothering me. I don't know if I want to be a glorified secretary for the rest of my life. I'm better than this job, but I'm afraid of just stagnating and getting content in my current situation.

2. Either of my parents dying

 I'm pretty sure this is self explanatory. I don't know what I would do without either of them.

3. Never finding someone to spend my life with

 Again, self explanatory. I think I might be ready for a relationship, but I don't know if there's anyone in my life right now that I can see myself settling down with or starting a family with. I'm afraid I won't find that somebody and I won't get to follow the path I've always wanted for myself.

4. Getting into another car accident

My heart races every time I go around a turn too fast in a car. I just feel like I'm losing control and I'd rather not total my car again.

5. Being indecisive forever

I just don't want to miss out on things, or continue to miss out on things because I find it hard to make decisions alone. I want to be able to get up and go and travel by myself and make new friends and just enjoy myself without depending on others.

6. Hosting

Hosting anything makes me anxious. I'm afraid of throwing bad parties and people not having a good time. I've been told over and over again that you provide the food, the drinks, and some kind of entertainment...and people can make their own fun. I am freaked out by people just having a bad time.

7. Blacking out and ending up getting in trouble

We all know by now I have this classy blacking out problem. I just don't want to end up blacking out and winding up in a dangerous/ridiculous situation that I can't get out of. Freaks me out a little and makes me a touch worried.

8. Not having kids (when I want them), or having ugly ones

Karma might get me for the second half of this one. I just think that ugly kids have a way harder time in life. I mean they have better personalities in general, but sometimes having things be easier might be a little better. Plus, I'm awesome and my kids will have bomb personalities regardless. I just hope they don't have to go through the really fat phase that I went through. Also, I'd be pretty devastated if I couldn't have kids of my own eventually.  I just don't want to get pregnant when I'm not ready, and then end up not being able to have kids when I am.

Hurricane Irene ain't got nothin' on me

Because she pretty much did nothing, except blow a little and piss all over the place. Dirty Irene I tell ya.

So here's a quick update on my life.

Nothing major is going on other than juggling boys left and right. I've realized this blog might not be the best for my "sexual exploits" so perhaps I will post anonymously somewhere else.

That being said. I survived hurricane Irene. After preparing for major disaster, she ended up being more bark than bite...at least for me.Unfortunately, due to mandatory evacuation, my senile great aunt had to come stay with us. We all wanted to kill her at some point. We all also escaped to the kitchen at various interludes, just to get a little refuge from her senility.

JBike and Vybz Jr. did not come over as planned and I spent Sunday in and out of sleep.There wasn't that much damage. It was quite windy, but not too bad. Part of our tree did fall on our neighbor's house however. Sorry neighbors!

Friday I went on a boat ride with Feather. They took both of my bottles of vodka before we got on, even if I did a decent job of hiding them in my bag. The security woman was out to get me. It made me sad. I would've had more fun, drunk. I was drunk in the park earlier in the night though. Bummer the buzz didn't ride :(

Feather and Heels

Yesterday the Mexican and I went drinking at this lovely establishment called Shoolbred's where this brilliant bartender works and it was just a great time. I was pretty sloshed. Two of my friends from the Possibility Project stopped by. It was just a good time all around.


Pretty content right now. Just gonna ride it out.

Day 7: I waaaant you to waaaaant me

This one's a tough one because there are so many things I want, yet it's hard to think in specifics...I'll try though.

I want...

1. Some clarity

I would really like to know what the hell I am doing and what I'm planning to do with my life. Am I going to get perpetually stuck in this job? What am I looking forward to doing with my life? What do I want to go back to school for? Do I want to go back to school even? Will I ever meet the person I'm supposed to be with? Do I even know how to really be with someone? So many questions, I just want answers!

2. To book my vacations

Seriously, if I don't book the vacations I've been talking about for weeks now, I might explode. It's killing me. I just need people to commit, or I'm going on vacation alone!

3. My surgery not to cost me an arm and a damn leg

I really hope that when I get the quote for my upcoming surgery today that it's not ludicrous. Oh, and I hope insurance can help me out a bit...pretty, pretty please?

4. Some sort of resolution with B

I don't know what this entails, but I just want to know where our friendship will end up. I mean, I'm not distraught over this whole friend break thing, and that kind of worries me. There are just some things that I want to know, and some things I have a hard time picturing without her. It's weird and confusing.

5. A stable love life

I'm not really sure what this exactly means, but I feel like my love life is in constant flux. Maybe I'm ready for a relationship, or maybe I just want a little consistency. Or maybe I want to really really be interested in someone and have them be interested in me (for something other than sex). On the same token, I'm pretty content with my current sexual fulfillment. I just don't know!

6. Motivation to work out on a regular basis

I seriously need to make some changes in my eating habits and how I work out. I need to learn to push myself and actually obtain results from working out as opposed to just doing some random cardio that really isn't that strenuous and won't end up doing anything for me in the future!

7. To be in bed
I'm sleepy and I just want to lay down and lounge around doing nothing but just watching TV cuddled up with one of my four current boys. Actually, I don't want to cuddle with Steel Pans, because he gets really fucking jumpy and is super ticklish and always thinks I'm trying to tickle him when I go to rub his back. Then I get irritated, turn over, and go back to bed. Stupid.

Day 6: Oh the places we will go...

I thought about choosing just PLACES, like my home, or work, or the Stumble Inn, or Honey, but I've decided that I will list the places that I have been in the past 3 years, with a little memory from each...in no particular order.

1. Jamaica (will be there for new years)

Jamaica has to be number one (after this, no particular order). This country will always have a place in my heart, and although I've only ever been to Montego Bay there's something magical about the place. Honestly, for such an impoverished place with such a corrupt government, the people really know how to have a good time. I've had my fair share of mishaps and misfortunes with Jamaicans, but I also have an arsenal of amazing memories.

-Walking around Margaritaville getting drinks from one person and giving them to another person. In fact, let's just put Margaritaville on the list of places I am in love with
-Sitting on the rock wall by Pier One while an 11 year old boy watched me force myself to throw up, and then somehow getting into the club before all of my friends who I thought I was following.
-B and the girls dancing on the red carpet
-The dumpling that saved my life after I drank too much and almost missed breakfast
-Glitters, the shitty little club at the Decameron that was always the best place to get shithoused before going out.
-Running into the lobby to see our luggage arrive two days late, but yet it made everything a million times better
-Translating Canadian French for Mo while everyone was completely drunk
-Pictures in the lobby bathroom
-Everything else...

2. Chicago (will return again shortly)

I have a million memories from Chicago since I lived there for just over a year. This city is one that I could live in forever. I could uproot my life and go there because it felt like home almost immediately, and I loved every person I met there.

-The first dinner where I met Mo
-Dancing at the Butterfly Bar
-Baking for everyone at RFUMS
-Study sessions with Mallory in the grad office
-Mo Baybay's baby shower
-Visiting the Bean and museum with Cynthia
-Teaching Cynthia to drive
-Six Flags Great America
-Driving to Kenosha in the morning blasting Fresh and singing with the windows rolled down
-Lunch with all the grad students and research techs
-Late night on the beach in Evanston with Will...etc

3. Philadelphia (need to visit as soon as my friend feels better)

When the girls and I met T in Jamaica, we knew it would be a great friendship. B and I had a blast when we went down to visit. Starting to drink as soon as we got there at 3pm (hadn't done that since the last trip to Jamaica). Meeting all sorts of new people. Dancing and just having a good time. I feel like I should go to Philly more, because it's so close and it's always such a blast.


-Stealing someone's food and getting into an argument over it
-Playing Spades with all the boys
-Making Dacquiris that gave me an allergic reaction
-Being wasted and waking up in my pajamas not knowing how I got in them
-Hanging on the porch with T (not T mentioned before - but other T)
-Cyphering with the young boys in the basement
-Visiting the Liberty Bell with Kevin (RIP)
-The Philly linedancing (bring it back, bring it back, bring it back)
-Cheesesteaks
-Just enjoying the company of B, T and everyone else

4. Bermuda

Jared and I hadn't seen each other in almost a year, since he lives in Austin. We had never been on a cruise and missed living together from college. He will always be a great friend, even if I don't see him or talk to him very often. Bermuda was beautiful. The weather was perfect (if not a little chilly), the boat was gorgeous and the people we met were great. I would definitely cruise again.



-Meeting Melissa and Rick and having fantastic dinners
-Hot tub on the deck at 3am
-Sex on a beach chair at yet another open air club (wish I remembered his name)
-Being shwasted and then hungover on the boat the next day
-Swimming with the dolphins and snorkeling
-Just spending time with Jared and having a good time

5. Vegas (will return in November)

I was living in Chicago at the time I went to Vegas. Hadn't see my best friends from college in almost a year and it was just a great way to get together and party it up. Seriously a great city to spend the weekend in with good friends and have a good time. I'm excited to go back soon!


-Brunch with Jac, Jar and Kris in Caesar's Palace (I think)
-Laughing at the TI show
-Being complete tourists and riding the roller coaster on NY, NY and all of the Stratosphere rides
-Partying it up at the Pussycat Dolls club (shots of tequila)
-Winning $11
-Being exhausted from just walking around everywhere
-Hearing Bruises by Chairlift every time we walked down the strip on the iPod commercial
-Buffet at Paris
-Cirque Du Soleil blowing my mind
-Just spending time with my two best friends from college and living it up

6. South Beach

I wasn't originally going to go to SoBe, but two weeks before the trip, I agreed to go celebrate Paris' birthday and I don't regret it. We had so much fun, and I was just trying to make the best of being in Florida and I think I succeeded. I might've lost all of my crucial belongings (ID, credit card and phone), but I still wouldn't trade it for the world. We just had an amazing time and I can't wait to live it up with my girls again.

-Relaxing on the beach with the ladies
-Cuban Sandwiches
-Being wasted at Mansion and Cameo (minus losing all of my stuff)
-Sex in Cameo with no shame after smoking a black and mild (which sucked)
-Sleeping everywhere when the ladies when to go eat
-Picking up a stray on the street
-Hearing lots of nookie going down
-Just enjoying the company of the girls and living it up!

Day 5: Foods

1. Vietnamese Summer Rolls:

Seeing as how I like to wrap anything and everything in rice paper, this is an obvious choice for number one. There's something just so amazing about the clean flavors of a summer roll. I like to put shrimp, cucumbers, scallions and some kind of fruit in mine (oh and I put the peanut sauce on the inside).

2. Sashimi Salad:

There's hardly anything better in the summer than sashimi salad. Fresh raw fish and other raw vegetables. So crisp, and refreshing.

3. Steak:

Honestly, who other than vegetarians/vegans/pescetarians...etc doesn't crave a delicious steak from time to time? On the rare side of medium rare for me please.

4. Watermelon Salad:

My summer obsession. I like mine with watermelon, feta and watercress, walnuts with a touch of champagne vinaigrette (not even necessary). AMAZING.

 

5.  Tiramisu:

I've had great Tiramisu and I've had awful Tiramisu, no matter what a good piece will always remind me of college and going to eat dinner at Michael's with Jared. They made brilliant Tiramisu there.

Day 4: Books

1. Sword of Truth (series) - Terry Goodkind
This was really one of the best series I ever read. It will forever be ingrained in my mind, and I will love the characters forever. They changed my life in a way because they made me fall back in love with reading.

2. The Help - Kathryn Stockett
I know that this is pretty much a popular choice right now with the movie and such being out, but I really did love this book. Even my dad loved it, and he doesn't really like books very much at all. You should definitely read it.

3. Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen
 Another one of those books that I kind of just read because everyone else was reading it, but it was really touching. I haven't seen the movie yet, but I did hear it's great. It's just a beautiful story and beautifully written. I sped right through this little gem.

4. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larsson
I was never really one for court mysteries and such, and when I started reading this series, I didn't get through the first 40 pages. With a little prompting however, I hunkered down and made it through the first part of the first book and then sped my way through the next two. Really well written and suspenseful. I just love character development and the late Stieg Larsson definitely made his characters real.

Day 3: Films

1. Princess Bride

This is my favorite movie of all time. It has a special place in my heart. Nostalgia at its finest. I can still recite most of this movie and it reminds me of some great summer moments growing up where I would sit with my cousin in upstate New York and watch this movie over and over again.

2. Bridesmaids

This was the last movie that really made my stomach hurt from laughing so hard. Just brilliant. So funny, you need to see it if you haven't already.

3. Unfaithful
Although they may be brief, this movie has my FAVORITE sex/foreplay scenes of all time. I keep it on my DVR queued up to the stairwell scene just to watch it when I feel frisky.

Neglected like a red headed step child (sorry for my social life)

Sorry about that blog-followers.

I've been really delinquent lately, probably because my life has erupted into glory. Well, that might be a lie, but I'm pretty darn busy. Not only am I relatively busy at work (with grants, which I hate - but take up a good portion of time), but my social life is currently exhausting as shit.

B and I still aren't speaking, and while I thought this would be particularly devastating, it hasn't been. In fact, I kind of feel a little bit better. I'm finally taking control of my life. I feel like I was always trying to live in B's shadow. There are so many things about her personality and life that I was envious of. She has a large group of friends, everyone loves her, etc...but over the past week I've realized more and more that that's not really me. It has never been me. While I want people to love me, and I want a lot of friends, how I lived my life for the first three quarters of it, make that impossible. I don't have the core friends from growing up that she does. I don't have the big family that's tight knit, in fact I don't know the last time I had a conversation with a family member other than my mom or dad. I think I'm finally becoming content in this. I have friends, I have options, I'm ready to define myself as something other than one of B's best friends. It's been cathartic getting out from under her shadow.

Another thing I've realized more lately, is that I ask things of people, I have to offer a solution. I think I was wrong to tell B that it bothered me she was still talking to Ni, but I didn't offer her any other options. I also realized that there was obviously a larger issue brewing underneath the surface, or someone as insignificant as Ni would not have been able to rip this hole in the fabric of mine and B's friendship. For now, I'm content to keep my distance, at least until September. Then again, maybe this stand off will last a little longer, because I don't feel like I NEED her, like I felt before. Since Wednesday I've been happier than I've been in a long time, and I plan to keep it this way.

Now onto a less serious note. VWR will now be joining Feather (this is what we're going to call Nyeg from now on, because it felt wrong not to give her a nickname) and I. On Thursday of last week, the Mexican and I met VWR to get our nails done. Turns out we missed out appointment last week and thus parted ways. I went with VWR to get a pedicure down by her apartment and then we walked over to Honey, after a 20 minute unfruitful Marshall's adventure. We had a lot of fun sitting outside drinking and waiting for Feather. She had to go though, against her will, because she had made other plans. Feather was there by that time with her two friends. One whose birthday I went to a few months ago at Marquee and blacked out at. Love that girl though. We danced and had a great time. They won't give me individual drinks there anymore, and from now on I will be drinking out of a carafe. I mean they'll obviously give us cups...but as on Thursday, I will probably drink straight out of the carafe.

These actions caused me yet again to have an EPIC hangover on Friday, and I didn't go to work. It was brilliant not doing anything. I was supposed to go to dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings with some old acquaintances from The Possibility Project, but the torrential downpour kind of put a downer on my plans. Instead I got ready, thought about going and ran into OhD. He told me that his friend and someone that I had hooked up with who never called (turns out he used to ask about me all the time), was killed. I was really sad about this. OhD and I decided to drink a bit in my kitchen. Mostly the coronas from my trunk. His friend Franz, who I met before, and is missing a few brain cells, came over later and brought a fifth of Smirinoff. I was forced to partake. We basically hung out until about 4:30am when OhD decided to crash on my couch...as per usual.

I was talking to Terron, and he decided he was coming over, so I had to wait up for him until 5:30am. I swear I knocked out within a half hour of him getting to my house. We laid in bed and were all cuddly on Saturday until about 6pm when he left. I was supposed to go with Nyeg out to dance. She went to a cookout and although she invited me, it was way up in the BX and since B and I are not talking, I would've had no where to stay up there if I decided to drink. We were still going to go out, and she told me she would hit me up at around 10. Her phone died, I heard from her at midnight. She was still at the cookout, and I had made other plans. At around 11 I decided I was going to see my friend JBike. He had stopped by my house a few weeks ago with his friend Vybz Jr. (VJ) and said that he was going to be hanging out at VJ's and I was welcome to come over. So I trekked out to Canarsie (in my car with brand new tires and brake pads that make me happy). We basically drank and they smoked all night. Their other friend was there and he was a touch creepy, and played with my hair, and his accent and deep voice made it very hard to decipher what he was trying to say...other than that he was hitting on me.

VJ started giving me an impromptu foot massage at one point, and all three of them complimented my sandals. By the way, I love foot massages. It went on for hours. We were watching Dancehall videos because VJ is I SWEAR Vybz Kartel's biggest Haitian fan, ever. Anyway, at around 4:30am, I told them all I was leaving at 5. 5 rolled around and decided to stay. I was sleepy, and they pressured me to just crash there. VJ passed out at the foot of the bed and JBike and I were in bed joking around and being stupid. The other friend had left because he had work in the AM. So JBike definitely tried to put the moves on me, but I wasn't the most receptive to the advances at first. And even when I gave in and we went at it, my body was not thrilled. He was drunk, I was sleepy, mechanically it was not working well...so after much unnecessary friction, we stopped and went to sleep. Both unsatisfied, but I was not upset about that. Mind you, VJ was still passed out at the foot of the bed.

A few hours later, JBike wakes up and starts messing with me again. He steals my pants. Seriously, I'm the worst play fighter, I lose EVERY time. Anyway, I was feeling some pain from earlier, because chafing is no bueno. So I was not really interested so much in getting it on again. So I was laying in the bed in my panties and shirt and being an ass, basically curling up into the fetal position and laughing. Here's where the story gets a little odd. VJ wakes up at this point and starts giving me another foot massage, and kind of feels up my leg.

I was a bit caught offguard and kept laugh and shaking my head. Then, their Jamaican friend called and said he was coming over and going to bring Pizza, which he didn't. I said I was about to leave, but JBike said that he was going to get the Pizza. I don't turn down free food, so I said I would wait.

It was super relaxing, I was well fed and I was happy. After more dancehall listening and VJ and the Jamaican sang along to Vybz for hours and I lazed around the bed and drunk bear, VJ went to drive the Jamaican friend home and JBike put the moves on me again. This time, success. Both of us got what we were looking for. When VJ returned, JBike said he was going to go home and shower. I said I was going to leave. He said he was going to bring back food. Again, I stayed.

When JBike left, VJ put the moves on me. As I'm telling him this is a bad bad bad bad idea, and why didn't it bother him that I had had sex with his friend, he kept telling me he liked me more and that was between me and JBike. I chuckled and shook my head and yet he pursued. Persistent mother, let me tell you. I committed a pretty ho-ish act that day, but whatever. The whole act was completely different. The shapes and sizes were completely different. Their demeanors were completely different. They knew about each other. I was being THAT girl, and I just didn't care.

JBike came back and we were watching a movie. I snuggled with VJ the entire movie. It should've been awkward, but it wasn't. I finally went home that night and washed all of the weed smell and dirty off of me. Glorious shower.

Woke up on Monday morning with texts from both of them saying that it was a great weekend, they were happy I came to hang out and that I'm invited any time. I talk to them every day now. VJ is totally into me. JBike is much more of just a fun time.

Monday after work I was pretty happy to just go home. I didn't want to do anything, I was sleepy and just wanted to watch TV. So I went home.

What I didn't mention is that on Sunday at some point, Delta had sent me a text message which I ignored.

Being in such a fantastic mood on Monday (seriously, best mood in a long time), when Delta texted again and I was just hanging out in bed, I responded. There were a few messages exchanged about him missing me a lot and he wanted another chance and all of this garbage. Also, if I was willing, he would like to see me. I agreed because nothing could ruin my mood.

He came over.  

We stood awkwardly on my porch. We talked about a lot of different things. I cried. A lot. Not like boohoo, but seeping out of the eyes uncontrollably. He still doesn't get it. He understands that he was selfish. He understands that he should've told me about his daughter, and it was a huge mistake to keep that from me. He was saying that he didn't want to open up to me because he didn't know where we were headed and that kids often deterred people from relationships. Whatever. He brought up the one time we actually WENT OUT, to a lounge, with B and this guy Charles. I cried a lot more at this point, because that's all I ever wanted. I wanted to go out and do things with him and have him be reliable and trustworthy. He said he wanted that too. We only touched once, when he took my hands. I quickly pulled them away. I said something to the effect that yes it upset me that he lied about a big thing like having a kid, and then I asked him if he wanted to know why I was really upset though.

He didn't respond. He didn't immediately say yes. He didn't say yes at all. This man who wanted to try and make things better, didn't even want to know why I was upset in the first place.

I slammed the door in his face. (or tried to, the wood has been swollen because of the humidity and I had to throw myself against the door to get inside. It was not glamorous, nor did I get the awesome SLAM effect, but it did the trick)


A half hour later, he texted me. He told me he loved me. The first time he told me he loved me was when I was upset and closed the door in his face again. I told him that it was cruel. He didn't see it that way. I stopped responding...take a look at a few of these gems. Mind you, he types like a retard, and in the accent he speaks in.

 

 

I was still oddly in a good mood. I don't know what I'm going to do about him. I just don't know.

Yesterday was pretty awesome too. I double booked the afternoon because I'm smooth like that. This guy that I met online wanted to meet for coffee. I don't drink coffee and I haven't been to Max Brenner's in years, so that is where we went. I had delicious dark hot chocolate with banana. We were both hungry, so I got an awesome steak panini. He was definitely not my type. Nice guy, but it's not going to happen again. He paid, which was sweet, even though I offered to pay my half.

Amazing view, I didn't take this picture but it's even better at night.

I went to DSW and considered buying boat shoes while I waited for the other guy to come pick me up. This guy, I've known for over a year and he's asked me out a few times, but it never really came together so I kind of wrote it off. This time I agreed. He was better looking than I remembered. We drove to downtown Brooklyn and walked on the Brooklyn Heights Promenade, which was my first time ever doing that. We had good conversation and we definitely clicked to some degree. It was really nice, and GORGEOUS out.

Then we walked to the movie theater and saw Crazy, Stupid, Love, which I thought was brilliant. We both really liked it, and we were kind of playing around in the theater...mostly fighting over the armrest like teenagers. We held hands walking back to the car. It kind of happened weirdly, but it was nice. He drove me home.

Now I'm super fucking sleepy at work, but I'm about to go eat amazing steak and be a happy panda.

Day 2: Songs - damn I'm late.

1. Quickie - Miguel
Thanks to Mo, I'm in love with this song and it's all I really want to listen to. It makes me happy.



2. Empire State of Mind - Jay Z and Alicia Keys
I will always love this song. When it first came out, we had gone down to Jamaica and every time this song came on, we would throw our hands in the air and sing at the top of our lungs. There are actually pictures that you can tell that this song is playing based on what we're doing. It was the song of the trip, and the next one.

10 day "you" challege, day 1: Me

This is me. Numero uno. Dancing with a dolphin. Let's get this party started...in reverse.

True Life: I'm a completely random blogger

Ok, so since I've been feeling a bit of a lack of inspiration lately, I thought having a little bit of structure and suggestion might help me to blog a bit.

I was reading some of the blogs I follow and I came across this linkup. Seeing as how I'm always looking for new blogs to read, I've decided to participate.

I guess you can write anything you really want for this thing, so I'll just follow the trend of what you will and will not find here.

First off, I'm a mid 20s gal who was born, raised, and boomeranged back to New York City. I don't appreciate anything that this city has to offer and am often more irritated by what's going on than intrigued. That being said, I do go out and try to enjoy myself and allow others to expand my exploratory horizons. I love vacations and sarcasm. I like wit and wisecracks. I like to think I'm pretty funny, but chances are there will be days when I let you down. I'm an only child who knows how to be alone, but prefers to be around people. I drink too much, I eat too much and I try to laugh too much always (because there is never too much laughter). I write what I think, I read what I can only fantasize about, and I'm pretty darn loyal. So...if you feel like following, that's awesome. If not, I might just follow you anyway or at least comment on your blog.

Will find:
1. Snarky commentary, often in parenthetical format because I always have to put my two cents into every story I tell

2. Random stories from my life that often include, but are not limited to, drinking experiences. Oh, and I'm pretty long-winded, whether that is my intention or not.

3. Ranting. It's pretty hard to live in New York City and not come across things every single day that bother the ever loving shit out of you, so sometimes I let that bottled up "emotion" explode all over this blog.

4. Honesty. I'm upfront about everything. I prefer not to really get into the heavier topics, but sometimes they seep in. This blog is a place for me to release, and I don't like to lie to myself (although sometimes, I probably do unconscious/unwittingly)

What you will not find:
1. Fashion. I am not into fashion. I like to look good, and I like to shop. I even watch project runway and America's Next Top Model (Although I RARELY talk about all the TV I watch). However, I do not have a personal style that I like to put out there, or express my opinions on. The only way you'll see any fashion commentary is if I see some awful atrocity around me and happen to take a picture of it.

2. Mommy stuff. I'm not a mom, and won't be for a while. I like kids, especially from a distance right now. While I've been a nanny and a camp counselor before, I'm 24 and have no marriage prospects, thus my child bearing potential is at a current low.Unless this "mommy stuff" is about my own mommy, then you won't see it here.

3. Consistency. I blog at work, and don't often have time or motivation. Sorry. I also don't blog on the weekends. I try to update at least a few times a week though, although August has been a bad month for me.

4. Current affairs op-ed. I don't generally keep up with current events. It's unfortunate, but I'm not incredible culturally aware. Perhaps I will become so, so maybe you should stick around for that.

I look forward to linking up with you!

I'm tired...

of a lot of different things.

This blog used to be my vent place, and maybe it will become so again. For now though, I'm kind of fed up with a lot of different situations and can't find the words to explain the situation.


Or maybe I've used too many words and explained the situation too many times and now I'm empty.

Either way, I'm riding an emotional roller coaster (the only type I can currently ride because I just got my stitches out today and my knee is not in full working order yet).

Just know, right now B and I are not on the best of terms and I don't know how to fix it. I'm victimizing myself, supposedly.

We used to be on the same page, always. Now I feel like we're in completely different books, in completely different libraries, in completely different countries. There's a disconnect that I cannot seem to repair and I'm just tired of trying. I'm especially tired of feeling like the rift is all in my head.

Mole hills into mountains.

Talk to you soon blog followers.

Bullet point recap: worst vacation ever and stressful birthday surprises

Dearest followers, I know I have been delinquent lately, so I'm going to try and sum up the past two weeks of my life in bullet point format.

I just realized that I haven't updated since August 1st. Damn do I have a lot to get through.

Week of August 1:
I don't remember anything that happened up until Honey Thursday.


Thursday:

• You might remember that I led the owner of Honey on in a charade where he thought he would get into my pants in exchange for driving me home. Well folks, I must be awesome because he said he wasn't mad at me and thus, I win.
• I made out with the short bathroom attendant. The same one that squeezed my butt the week before.

 Friday

• B was supposed to be busy the first weekend in August because it was her on again/off again boo's birthday, but he went to Vegas.
• BiL decided two weeks prior that he was going to have this gigantic cookout where there would be tons and tons of basketball eye candy/meat and great food.
• Unfortunately, I had agreed to go to PA with Niokka a few weeks prior due to B not being in town and BiL taking his sweet as time in making arrangements for the cookout.
• I took Friday off to take a bus to Gettysburg, PA (5 hours) after stressing about packing all week and being yelled at by Niokka for stressing her out when she was studying for finals. Mind you, she was the only person I knew going and was telling me all sorts of random stuff about what I was supposed to do, last minute.



Please note how far Gettysburg is from NYC

• I dragged my ass to DeKalb Avenue to be at the bus before 9:30am, I was there at 9am where I met Niokka's friend Jazmeen.

• I was constantly debating not getting on the bus (and I probably shouldn't have) because of the cookout and because Gettysburg was so far away, but after a lot of debating, we finally located the bus (incredibly late) and were on our way to the Bronx the pick up the other group of people.
• There were a lot of other people waiting for buses, some attractive, some "not so"...most of the "not so"'s got on our bus. This was a bad sign. Also, there was a lot of drinking planned for the bus ride. Mind you, it was well before noon.
• Not in such a great mood, I tried to suck it up and rest. We got to the BX and Niokka and Joanne got on the bus. The rest of the ride was filled with drinking a lot of random mixed drinks and Jello shots. It took forever to get to the hotel.



Yummy jello shots.

• We got to the hotel and pretty much everything was canceled. There was supposed to be a BBQ (what we would be having for dinner) but the organizer didn't check if they could use an indoor grill (which they could not) so that was canceled. There was supposed to be Karaoke, but the machine was broken. There was supposed to be a "male revue", but the one stripper never showed up. The DJ that was supposed to be playing music at all of the parties, bailed last minute. Basically it was bad news all around.
• I cursed out the organizer, as did a bunch of other people. Mind you, he wasn't even supposed to be the go-to person, his wife was, but supposedly she sprained her ankle the night before.
• I was pissed, everyone was wandering around aimlessly and it was just a mess. I kept kicking myself for getting on the damn bus. I could've stayed home and not taken off a day for all of that...it gets worse.
• The one highlight was that I was with Joanne and some guy (Anthony) started talking to her and the guy was with his cousin (Senio), who I started chatting with. We ended up hooking up a few times, I'll see him again in a few weeks (and I'll tell you why the delay - note, the knee).
• Anyway, Senio and I hooked up that night, I went back to my room, showered, met back up with my friends and partied a bit. Hung out by the pool, had another guy hit on me who worked at the hotel, but he got me confused with someone else, so I walked away from him. 
• Senio texted me to come back to his room to sleep, so I went back and his cousin was trying to sleep. So I basically held off his advances, but his cousin "left" and well...we got it on again. Magically, as soon as we were done, Anthony re-appeared. Now mind you, this would be a little awkward to begin with, but it gets more awkward. Senio goes to lay down and kind of passed out. I'm sitting on the foot of the bed, between his legs and Anthony and I start talking. He mentions that he saw what I did. Awkward moment number 2. Then he asks if I've ever had a threesome. Now why would I lie? So I tell him yes. He asks if I would have one with him and Senio. WTF?! Awkward 3. I say "no, not interested". He says "so would you have a threesome...without him?" and I say "so basically you're asking if I would fuck you? no." At this point, Senio wakes up and is all "what's this talk about a threesome?" and I said "your cousin just asked if I would fuck him." and Senio does the cutest thing he goes "really man?" and sits up, wraps his arms around me and pulls me down next to him to cuddle. Then we go to bed.



A creeper!

Saturday:

• My "friends" get me from Senio's room for breakfast. We go eat and then hear that all of the stuff they talked about being available to do during the day was all for winter trips and there would be no laser tag, shopping, anything...so we make our own fun.
• They play strip blackjack and then dare or double dare. Details will not be disclosed.
• We all get ready to go to crabfest in Maryland an hour and a half away.
• We need more alcohol.
• We get to crabfest and eat a lot. I don't start drinking until later in the evening, and this is the beginning of the end.



This picture was not taken by me, but you get the point.

• Niokka basically treats me like a dog and gets pissed when I won't get her more shrimp. She yells at me and I'm fed up. I slowly start to get over it.
• Joanne and I go buy bottles of alcohol from a lovely old lady who owns the bar next door to the place we're at.
• As soon as we get back I get on line for free drinks. I get two for myself, since they're my first and then I'm told they don't have any more of the punch the other girls are drinking so Niokka says to get them shots, so I get shots for everyone, or as many as they'll let me. I can't carry them all, so Niokka takes my drinks to the table. I guess she thought they were her drinks because she adds one to her cup and Jazmeen's cup, and I don't know what she does with my other one so I get back and I'm asking where my drinks are. Of course she gets mad at me because she thinks I'm being selfish...yadda yadda. She gets pissed and so do I. So I sit with my drinks and she walks away.
• I have an allergic reaction to something so my skin is all red and blotchy and hot and I look angry. Senio thinks I'm mad at him, but I confirm this is not the case.



Similar to when I was in Philly, I don't know if you can see the redness of my face and chest

• There is a concert of some sort, but I'm too furious to really care. I take the shots back to the hotel with me.
• We head back to the hotel and I almost get into it with the organizer again because he's trying to treat me like a child because everyone is being babies and arguing about who is supposed to sit where (not me, mind you...but I do have a problem with this guy AND HE'S SO UGLY).
• When we get back everyone naps and showers and gets ready for the "white party". I go meet up with Senio and take care of business, and of course, as I turn the corner to go into the bathroom, Anthony magically appears. It's a little creepy actually.
• I drink the mixed drink that I made at crabfest, very quickly. We get into bathing suits and we go dance in the hottub.

Sunday:

• The next part is a touch fuzzy. I know I disappeared with some guy and he took me back to his room. I think I was being kind of a playful asshole and he got fed up with me, so we went back to the pool...
• As soon as I got back to the pool, I slipped. I slipped on the wet pool deck and guess what. My whole entire knee opened up again. I WAS FURIOUS. What should've been a little bump on the knee with a bruise for anyone, was a completely down to the bone open wound for me. I didn't want help though. I didn't want to go to the hospital. I didn't want the gurney. I didn't want it to be a big deal. I did this back in December, I knew what was going on but no one else seemed to. They wrapped my knee up with towels. I kept telling everyone to stop helping me, stop trying to move me, just stop. The EMT comes and I tell him I just need stitches and I don't want to go to the hospital. They tell me I need to. I keep telling everyone to stop. Niokka goes "Fuck her then" and I must've responded with "Fuck you too". There was more yelling and one of the EMTs tells me that if I don't shut up, in the state of PA they can charge me for something or other. I stop talking and give up at this point. I'm not even crying, I'm just mad. They take me out on a gurney. They shut down the pool party. I tell the girls I'm with that I don't need any of them to come to the hospital with me. I guess I don't clarify by saying that it's because I don't want to ruin their night, that was a mistake. Niokka continues to yell at me. Jazmeen and Joanne try to help me, and I just ask them to pack my stuff because we're leaving in the morning.



Swollen with new stitches...

• I get to the hospital. I convince them I only need basic xrays because there's no bone damage. They tell me it's a bad laceration. I get 18 stitches. I find out that I actually got there at 6:30am. At 9:30ish, the hotel people come to pick me up and say that they called the cops on my friends. I don't know why. All I know is that I've got a set of HATEFUL BBM messages in my phone from Niokka wishing all of this terrible shit on me because of nothing I could control.I get back to the hotel, finish packing my stuff in silence. I literally talk to no one because Niokka purposely tries to make me feel like shit by talking loudly on the phone in the room next door (adjoined rooms with the connecting door open) about how she wishes me dead and all of this stuff. I still have no clue why or what happened but we will never speak again, that's for sure.
• We get onto the bus. I'm missing part of my kindle charger, my outfit from the night before (I went to the ER in a bathing suit) and my flip flops. I don't talk to anyone except when they ask if I'm ok.
• I pop a percocet and we head to the casino an hour or so later.
• My dad picks me up, thus concluding the trip from hell.

The BBMs: 

Niokka got B involved because she's the one that introduced us. We were both talking about it for two days. I am finally over it. It created a little tension with B and I though because I was upset that she was still buddy buddy with Niokka after knowing that Niokka wished me dead and was serious as cancer about it. On Thursday, we had a big conversation about our friendship and the whole situation...

Monday and Tuesday I took off of work. Tuesday night I went to Buffalo Wild Wings with B.

Wednesday I went to the movies to see the Help with the Mexican and his friend Rodderick, who lives a block away from me. He's cute and nice. It was fun. We went to a diner afterward and I definitely walked around too much. My doctor told me to stop bending my knee....I'm not doing a good job.

Thursday

• Against better judgment, I went to Honey
• B and Feather were there, or came later.
• I drank a lot even though I'm on antibiotics (I looked them up, no instruction not to)
• There was a lot of drama outside but somehow we were inside for a while
• I officially am a  hookah smoker. It's bad. Had the worst flavor, bubblegum mint. I'm going to have to talk to Manny about never getting that again.



Sad but true about me and hookah :(

• I made out with the other bathroom attendant...in the locked bathroom. It could've gone further, but thank god it didn't. I guess I just have a thing for the boys downstairs.
• B's birthday was on Sunday so we started celebrating that night.
• I spent $200 again. I don't know how, but the bill said something like 28 happy hour drinks between the 4 of us.
• We were going to go to this place called the Polar Bear at around 10pm with the waitress because Feather's friend was having an open bar, but we didn't end up going and ended up back in Honey. Just can't get away! I swear!
• I don't remember carrying around my bag, but I must've been. Weird.

Friday:

• I took off from work again because I needed to go get drinks for B's bbq and I didn't feel like going.
• I went to the drink depot and at the request of T, I got way more than I needed to. I spent $369 on just beverages for the cookout.
• Then I slept.

Saturday

• I woke up and wanted to be lazy, but I wasn't.
• I got myself together and drove to Bushwick to pick up Delka and the cake.
• The cake was late. We were still in Brooklyn around 3ish.
• I drove to the park. We couldn't figure out how to drive up to the cookout, because we couldn't!
• T and Delka had to go back and forth about 6 times bringing the drinks in shopping carts across this stupid long bridge over to the cookout.

• 

  B and the delayed cake

• I told T to leave some of the drinks in my car, but she still took most of them so at the end of the night we had to bring them back when it was drizzling
• I was BBMing with B and was selling her on the fact that she was still going to a beach party. When she arrived, she was really excited and she cried. So surprised. Sadly, Niokka brought her, which was a little awkward for me at first, but I decided just to ignore it.
• I couldn't drink anything but beer because I was driving and the beer was doing nothing for me. 
• It was a good time anyway, and B had a good time, that's all that matters.
• Oh, and some guy stole my entire case of Heineken.
• We went back to B's house after the cookout and I napped.
• It was raining, but we still left the house at around 1:30am.
• The 6 train went express and skipped our stop, so we tried to get out at Brooklyn Bridge to hail a cab...in the pouring rain.



Rain on the train

• No cabs stopped, I was soaked.
• We got onto a local 6 going uptown and got locked in and missed the 4 train.
• We arrived at the loft party at around 3am, partied for an hour and then went back home.
• I wish I could've danced more, but I've been really mistreating my knee.

Sunday:

• B's mom made us breakfast and we chit chatted.
• I left around 2pm and went back to Brooklyn
• This new guy (Terron) I'm talking to came over on Sunday night and we cuddled and watched the Hangover and he's totally into me and a super sweetheart.
• I may or may not have a tiny hickey on my neck.
• I kind of blew off Steel Pans...oh well

Monday:

• Going to see the Glee movie with the Mexican tonight and then maybe more snuggle time. I love having my back rubbed. Winner!
• I'm probably going to Jamaica for the new year and this makes me really excited.