Friday, September 9, 2011

In which an "investigation" inspires fantasies of violence...

I was supposed to have a massage this morning. It was supposed to be for 30 minutes, at 8:30am. I left my house to arrive at 8:15am at Herald Square, where my chiropractic office is.

The B train came promptly. I got a seat. The ride was pleasant as I chuckled aloud to Bossypants in public.

We arrived at West 4th street, one stop from my destination. I was making good time.

One train conductor starts talking to the other conductor (driver) over the "intercom".

"Hey partner, did you get the message, we're bypassing 34th street." 

I stop reading.

"Partner, repeat, I did not get the message."

I take out my earbud.

"We are bypassing 34th street. [to us] Please be advised that due to an investigation at 34th Street - Herald Square, this train will be bypassing 34th street. The next stop will be 42nd Street - Bryant Park."

I get off the train.

I contemplate.

The F train is across the platform. I can skip my massage and go straight to work on the F train. I still have 15 minutes, I might be able to make it to the massage, at least an abridged one. I consider.

I miss the F train. 

The loudspeaker announces that we should take a D train to 42nd street and then transfer for the downtown train. I wait. Onto the D I get. The train conductor says to take the A C E upstairs to 34th street - Penn Station. I get off the D.

I walk up the two flights of stairs and shove myself onto a packed E train.

The E train is delayed because of train traffic ahead of it. It takes me 15 minutes to get three stops and now I am on 8th Avenue and need to be on Broadway (a mere two avenues away, but two long avenues. I have work at 9, 9:30 the latest). I get off the train. I call my chiropractor.

"Do you think I'll be able to make it for the massage? No? Oh, well I don't want to be so incredibly late to work and if I have to walk back to Penn Station I will be. I'll see you next Wednesday."

Thank goodness for Unlimited metrocards.

I go back downstairs and jam myself onto an even more packed E train. More train traffic. Only this time, the AC cuts off. It's sweltering. I make it to 53rd and Lex and crowd surf my way into the station, only to find that one of the escalators is not working. I am trapped on the line for the stairs. Manageable, but moving incredibly slowly...oh and it's probably one of the deeper stations in the subway system.

There seems to be no air flow. Three flights of stairs later and finally, a breeze. My lungs practically jump out of my mouth trying to get some ventilation. I maneuver my way to the 6 train, and then onto the bus. I am 5 minutes late for work, and infuriated.

I probably should've just waited for the Q that was directly behind the B train when I got on. (They actually told us it was directly behind the train we were on and to stop being assholes and holding the doors open.)

Here's the kicker. At 9:24am, they resumed service on the orange lines with residual delays. At 9:47am, the orange trains have "good service". Muthafucka...

Oh, and then the conference room projector doesn't work which is now my problem.

Friday, what did they do to you?!


Jas said...

Part of me thinks that this entry would make an awesome slam poetry piece.

KG said...

Jas, I will drunkenly try this later and tell you how it goes. Making a print out for reference later as I type.

BlackLOG said...

Your metro system sounds like an A-Z to disaster – although having letters as names could make it fun spelling out rude words, as you attempt to cross the city for that very important meeting that you are never going to make because the train system knows when you really need to be somewhere.

Bye the way if it’s anything like the London Underground you can often find that stations on different lines which look far apart are in reality right next to each other. So that 45 min trip with 4 changes only has to be a 2 minute walk….

ms.composure said...

LOVING this post!!!!

KG said...

@BlackLOG, there are few major transfer stations in NYC. Herald square and Penn Station are not that incredibly far from each other, but when you're in a hurry it feels that way. Also, you have to pay twice if you do an above ground transfer.

@ms. thanks!

Laura Darling said...

Seriously?! I admire you for your persistence! I would have gone home and back to bed after about the third letter! Ha! And isn't Bossypants hilarious?

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