Friday, July 8, 2011

On a scale of 1 to "I hate my life", currently hovering at the latter.

I am, at this very moment, miserable.

The weather is grim and my body hates me for 20,000 different reasons. The fact that I had a free half hour back massage this morning means nothing to my body because it doesn't make up for how I've betrayed it in the past 15 hours.

It all started some time yesterday...

Nyeg and I planned to go to Honey. Typical Thursday. We didn't go last week, so obviously we were going to make up for it by going yesterday. Obviously.

I'd like you to know, and I'm sure you don't actually want to know this, but I am using 70% of my will power and strength not to vomit up the bagel I just forced myself to eat - so if this entry gets a bit disjointed, the minority 30% won.

Anyway, after avoiding my desk like the plague yesterday, I was able to escape at around 5:15pm. By "avoid my desk like the plague" I mean I literally refused to sit at my desk for 5 out of the 8 hours that are typically in a work day. I took two lunches. Although the first one with the Mexican was only for 45 minutes, the second one with an old friend I haven't seen since college was almost 2 hours. However, my timesheet will not reflect this, because I ran errands for my job after or during those "lunch breaks". I spent a lot of time being jerked around by IT when I was trying to get one of my Fellows' computers fixed, and then felt the same jerking when I tried to get Facilities to fix their AC. I also went to the locksmith three times, to the print shop where I was hit on by a young African American fella - which always happens in the sub-basement (and I have no complaints about that), to duplicating and I got a new ID (for free because they didn't have receipts and I was oozing happiness - people like happiness).

I should probably mention that I managed to drag my ass out of bed at 6:15am to go to the gym before work after contemplating whether or not I was capable of getting myself together my existence. I was pretty high on endorphins when I got to work, and I rode that wave the whole day. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and save for a few awkward nudity encounters, it was well worth it. I will be going to the gym in the mornings now.

After work I met up with this guy I've been chatting with a little bit recently. We walked to the E train together. Pretty good conversation, actually. Unfortunately, he left me in Duane Reade and didn't tell me he had to go. It was kind of rude. I left after trying to locate him for 5 minutes. I had time to kill. I wasn't meeting with Nyeg until 8pm, I was currently slotted to get to Honey by 7pm (and did). I got a cupcake at Crumbs. Probably the best I've had from there (try the Smiley Face sometime if you can). When I got into the train station it was PACKED. The train was even more packed for a little while, but eventually emptied out. We got stuck between 34th and 23rd for 20 minutes because of heavy congestion ahead of us. The train conductor apologized for the delay about 40 times.

I was thankful for the delay because the train was ACed and outside is not - it was hot as fish grease outside.

I got to Honey at 7pm and Door man asked where my fantastic four were and where we were last week, blah blah blah. I like him a lot. He's the one that found my wallet. So I sat outside alone drinking two Cosmos. Unfortunately, I had eaten some of the amazing cupcake when I was stuck on the train and that didn't sit too well with the liquor. So I took it slow. at 7:55pm after waiting almost an hour listening to these three girls next to me talk about  some of the craziest shit I've heard (vagina cancer and a lesbian debauchery), I get a text from Nyeg saying she's not coming. I immediately tell B, and I'm infuriated. I chug my last Cosmo and prepare to leave, but wait! B says she's at 34th Street and is on her way.

Let the drinking recommence.

It didn't stop, and I swear that shot at 1:30am was a bad fucking idea. Especially considering I had had 10 cosmos at that point I think?

We stayed outside the whole night. After the sun went down and I stopped sweating - it was a lot better. We witnessed a car accident and a fight that left a guy laying on the curb bloodied up. There was a drunken Canadian whose birthday it was and she put her number in my phone and invited us to her bday party on Saturday. I gave her the rest of my cupcake. She was schwasted. We complained about the waitress and made friends with two of the service managers and the general manager. We're loyal and they love us - therefore we should expect better service from this Thursday forward.

At around 1:35, right after our last shot - we left.

I almost missed my stop on the train, again. The doors were about to close when they said the next stop, and I JUMPED UP and flung my arms between the closing doors (I had nice scrapes), and managed not to miss my stop. Some guy decided to make a comment about me almost missing my stop - it was friendly though, and I was drunk.

I got home and OhD showed up. It was odd, it's like he has spidey senses for when I'm home and he wants to crash on my couch. So I let him in, he went to his couch and I went to bed.

I woke up at 6:15 this morning and wanted to kill myself something. I was so parched that I chugged some water. 5 minutes later, said water and about a cup's worth of bile exited my body the wrong way, all whilst talking to my dad through the bathroom door.

Dehydration caused my lip to split. I couldn't eat or drink anything for hours.

I went to the chiropractor where I feigned doing my "exercises" (basically these resistance bands that I pull on for a few minutes here and there). I got a massage which was great, and then the fucking neurologist injects me with this shit that I HATE and leaves this nasty blood pocket on my shoulder. I'm in major pain once again on top of my stomach really hating me. Also, I couldn't get their bathroom door open. I swear I almost threw up and shit myself at the same time on the bus on my way to work.

I'm a disaster and all I want is sleep. I actually took a little nap at my desk mid word, up there somewhere. I have a mild case of the spins when I close my eyes though, so I also sat with my head between my knees for a solid 2 minutes as well.

It's taking every bit of my "love" for my job not to lay under my desk in fetal position and cry.

See ya next Thursday, Honey.


Miss Sassy Pants said...

Ohhhhhh that sounds sooo miserable. Being hungover at work is THE WORST.

Mrs. Pickle said...

I can’t believe that douche just left you on the fucking train!

Not who I will be said...

@sassy - this morning was REALLY rough, I'm feeling much better now. My friend is trying to convince me to go out tonight and my stomach keeps sending these warning signals to my brain. Don't know what I'm going to do yet.

@Pickle, he left me on line in Duane Reade. One minute I saw him, I made my purchase, and he was gone. NO GOODBYE, NOTHING! I looked silly standing outside looking around for a few minutes. Idiot.

Bonjourmissmary said...

omgosh, that sounds horrible. You seem like you can hold a lot of alcohol though. 10 cosmos?! I am pretty rosy after one blue moon!!! can you say penny pincher date?

Sandra said...

I know you're suffering, but as I was reading, I was thinking, "Aaaah, the good ol' days!"

Not who I will be said...

@missmary - yeah, my poor liver can handle a lot of liquor, but int he same vein, their cosmos never fill the glass and after a certain time the bartender changes and they start getting a lot cheaper with the amount of actual alcohol in them.

I feel a little buzzy after a hard cider or two if drunk quickly. Different drinks just affect people differently! I need to work on being a cheaper date ;)

@Sandra - in the end, next week I'll look back and say the same thing, but in the moment - Friday was MISERABLE!

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