Thursday, October 13, 2011

Pledging my October to alcohol, get on board.

Have you ever had that feeling that everything is moving way faster than you are? Or that you just want to stop at every street corner and empty your already empty guts? Yeah...welcome to my morning.

I'm pretty sure I was moving in slow motion this morning, and it was not pleasant. All I want is a toasted bagel to fill up my belly. It's not going to happen though. I can't get myself together enough to move.

The Stumble Inn was pretty entertaining last night to say the least. I decided about midday that I was going to get smashed and I did.

We stopped for vodka on the way to the bar. Always smart. The bartender at the Allie Way is adorable, but so stupid. Like really dumb. Oh well, nice eye candy.

We got to the stumble around 6:45 I would say? Odd that we were at the Allie Way so long, considering we each only had two vodka on the rocks'. Anyway, got to there and commenced drinking hard cider. Very, very classy. Sarah and the Mexican ate a stuffed burger and nachos. I decided against it, for optimal "get drunk" speed.

To make an already long story shorter than it could be, the following are things I did last night:
  • Felt up a fire fighter. He was such an asshole, and he was wasted. They called him "Cockasaurus Rex", I had to feel for myself. So I did, a lot.
  • Introduced Tiffany to another fireman who is also a nurse that I gave my card to because I told him I could get him a job. LOL. RIGHT. He was adorable though.
  • Was bought a pint by an Irishman. He was a ginger.
  • Played beer pong and did quite well, but went to go pee and my partner lost the game for us.
  • Lots of fist bumps and high fives.
  • Exchanged numbers with a second grade teacher that wanted to touch my boobs.
  • Scratched my throat with my finger, demonstrating lack of gag reflex.
  • Got shithoused.
  • Dirty texted - not quite sexting.
I also ended up pissed at the MTA yet again, because the train was running in sections and I almost didn't catch my connection at 1:05am.

Oh, I went on a blind date on Saturday. We went to Indian food. He bought a bottle of wine. We went to a karaoke bar and didn't sing. Went to a regular bar and definitely sang, danced and got schwasted. Went to a "club" and definitely sang, danced and got more schwasted. Lots of making out ensued, LOTS.

I think we're going apple picking on Sunday.

Life is good, even if my belly feels like GAR-BAHGE right now (you like my phonetic french accent? I thought you would.)

Honey tonight.

Did I tell you about Honey last week? I hope I did. Highlight...30 seconds of sex in the bathroom with little Abdul. Damn, I just looked. I did not tell you about Honey last week. I looked hot as shit in my new dress thing. There was drinking. I don't remember if there was much dancing. Damn it seems so long ago. Oh well, more tonight.

It's cool, my diet is shot. I'm not planning on going to the gym again until November. Also, I plan on being drunk for the better part of the rest of the month. My stomach turned a little when I wrote that. GET ON BOARD LIVER, OR I'M LEAVING YOUR ASS BEHIND.

Oh yeah, and B and I got drunk at Blockheads on Monday. Sorry for partying.


    Monica said...

    You are too much! I am sad that I did not get to be there for the Ginger since there was a distinct lack of white men when I came to visit! LOL Can't wait for you to get here!!!

    KG said...

    Mo, this is because you did not come on a Wednesday. We would've stumbled, and it would've been glorious! It just so happened that the weekend you came, there were a bunch of events of the darker persuasion. Can't wait to be there in two weeeeeks!

    B said...

    Sounds like fun, you can detox next month. Something about fireman I just love them! Can't wait to hear about your Thursday!

    the Tsaritsa said...

    What a wild night(s)! Lol @cockasaurus rex. How did it feel?

    KG said...

    @B, I might have to detox tonight. My liver is not playing along...and my stomach is DEFINITELY not ok with what's been happening. I'm actually pretty disappointed. These were volunteer firemen and most of them weren't so good looking, but their bodies...very mm good.

    @Tsa, it was a decent size. Nothing to write home about, and he was a little too confident (cocky even) because of it. Probably means he's a lazy lay, and no one wants that. I was told last night that I let him touch my boobs though. Ah the things I do when drinking.

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